These books are aimed at children age 3 – 8, and teach many aspects of consent, types of touch, the right to bodily autonomy, and prevention of sexual abuse. You can also check out my post on how to talk to your child about touch and consent.
If I had to choose just one, I might start with one of these two.
My Body Belongs to Me from My Head to My Toes by Pro Familia and Geisler. (Video) Age 3 – 6. A girl talks about the touch she likes – sitting with friends, hug from Dad, sitting on Grandma’s lap. Then about how she sometimes doesn’t like to be touched. Or touched in certain ways: tickled too much, sloppy kisses. So she says “Stop. Don’t Touch Me. I don’t want you to.” It says if someone doesn’t stop, then tell a trusted person. Ends with “your body belongs only to you.” This book probably has the clearest, most complete message about bodily autonomy. It’s long for a three year old, and not quite as fun a read as some of the books below. [Note this is different than the other “My Body Belongs to Me” by Starishevsky – see below.]
Let’s Talk about Body Boundaries, Consent and Respect by Sanders and Jennings. (Video) Ages 5 – 8. Starts with the idea of body boundaries – draw an imaginary bubble around yourself – no one should come inside that boundary without asking. If someone wants to hug someone, they should ask. The person might say yes – it’s OK to hug because both people are happy about it. The person might say no – respect that. If they say they’re not sure or don’t answer, that’s not a yes, so don’t hug. It’s OK to say no to others – it’s your body and what you say goes. If someone doesn’t respect that, tell a trusted adult. Excellent – but too long – you would want to spread it over multiple readings.
Here are lots of other ideas, in order from those appropriate for the youngest audience on up. Also check out the table at the bottom which compares them.
Don’t Hug Doug (He Doesn’t Like It) by Finison and Wiseman. (Video) Age 3 – 6. “You can hug a pug. You can hug a bug… but don’t hug Doug. He doesn’t like it.” Shows a friendly, smiling Doug spending time with lots of people, having fun, shaking hands, fist bumping, high fiving, but turning down hugs. “Can you hug these people… There’s only one way to find out. Ask!” Very positive book about all the ways we can connect while respecting people’s personal preference about what types of touch they like.
How to Hug a Pufferfish. By Peterson. (No video available. Pictures are super cute, and text is very engaging.) Age 3 – 6. “So you want to hug a pufferfish. Who could blame you?” Shows a super cute pufferfish, talks about all the reasons you might want to give someone a hug – but you don’t want to make a pufferfish puff! “Pufferfish might welcome a hug, under the right conditions.” Pufferfish would like to see you coming, be asked for a hug first, and prefers a slow and gentle hug, or a fin shake. “And you never know, Pufferfish might show you a different way to say I love you.” [Disclaimer: the author is a friend of mine.]
Can I Give You a Squish. By Nelson. (Video.) Age 3 – 6. Kai the mer-boy loves hugs (squishes). He hugs everyone and everything till he tries to give a pufferfish a squish – it puffs, saying it doesn’t like to be squished. Kai feels bad. His friends suggest he tries offering a fin bump, which it likes. Kai learns his friends like tail claps, tentacle shakes and other forms of touch. “Every fish likes their own kind of squish.”
Miles is the Boss of His Body. By Schiller and Kurtzman-Counter. (Video) Age 3 – 6. It’s Miles’ birthday. Grandpa pinches his cheek, his brother gives him noogies, his mom gives him a super tight hug, etc. Even the birthday chicken wants to tickle him. Mile yells ‘I’m tired of being touched in ways I don’t like, and I’m the boss of my body.” The family respects and validates that.
Rissy No Kissies. By Howes and Engle. (Video) Age 3 – 6. Rissy is a baby lovebird. Others try to give Rissy kissies. Each time – “‘No kisses!’ Rissy chirruped with a most emphatic squeak.” Her parents worry something is wrong with her – “we know all lovebirds love kisses.” When the chicks at school squeeze too close and she squeaks “no kissies” it hurts their feelings. Rissy worries there is something wrong with her. Her mother says “there is nothing wrong with you. Your body and your heart are yours and you choose how to share.” Rissy says to the others “some birds share their love with kissies but they’re not my favorite things.” She offers that she likes to sing songs, sit close, give / get cards, and high fives. Others respect her wishes.
We Say What’s OK Series by Bowers and Munoz. (I can’t find video read-alouds, but here is an interesting companion video) Age 4 – 6. This series is on consent. The author says there are five key concepts to teach about consent: I listen to my body, I am in charge of my body, I ask permission, I check in, and I accept no. These engaging books feature characters of diverse age, race, and ability. We Listen to Our Bodies talks about tuning into cues in your body that signal that you might be scared, sad, or angry. We Ask Permission is about asking people before we touch them and tuning into body language (of people and of animals) to know if the touch is a positive experience. We Check in with Each Other is about not assuming that just because someone wanted to do something yesterday doesn’t mean they want to do it OK, and about stopping in the middle of something (like a tickle fight) to be sure that they are still OK with it.
No Means No! by Sanders and Zamazing. (Video) Age 4 – 6. Shows people asking to touch (aunt give a kiss, parents offering to help wash her private parts, cousin wrestling, friend asking to hold hands) and girl politely turning things down, and everyone happily moving on to other options, because “if I don’t want a hug or a kiss, No Means No!” “I am strong and I have a voice that is loud and clear. So when I say ‘no’, No Means No.” This is a fine book, but it feels like a lesson-teaching book, and some kids don’t engage with those as well as they engage with more story based books.
Hands Off, Harry by Wells. (Video) Age 4 – 6. Harry the Alligator likes to act silly in ways that are physically wild, bumping into other kids, sometimes making them spill paint or glue. Despite being given time outs, he keeps bumping into others. They have him wear an inflatable donut ring so he can’t touch others and he learns to respect other’s space and use his hands to help, not hurt. I don’t love this one, because there’s a punitive aspect to how his behavior is handled. It’s gentle, but still…
My Body: What I Say Goes by Sanders and Hancock. (Video) Ages 5 – 8. Talks about kinds of touch that make them feel safe, what makes them feel unsafe. Early Warning Signs that tell you something is wrong (racing heart, etc.) Have a safety network of adults, including one that’s not in your family, that you can talk to. Private parts – those covered by bathing suit and mouths – includes the vocabulary penis, vulva, etc. If someone touches those, asks you to touch theirs or shows you pictures of private parts, say “stop” and tell a trusted adults. No secrets. Book ends with 5 body safety rules. If you’re looking for a book that explicitly teaches sexual abuse prevention, this does so.
Teach Your Dragon Body Safety by Herman. (Video) Age 5- 8. A dragon shares with his human friend that a girl at school likes to hug him and he doesn’t like it. His friend says it’s OK to say no or ask for a high five. The book then goes on to talk about touches that don’t feel right, private parts, not keeping secrets and having a safety team of people you can tell if someone is touching you in a way you don’t like.
Additional Books on Topic
My Body Belongs to Me by Starishevsky and Padron. (Video) A story of a girl whose uncle’s friend sits down next to her and “touched me in that place that no one else can see.” He tells her to keep a secret. She tells her parents, who say they are proud of her for telling them, and say she could have also told a teacher. She says it’s not her fault that it happened and moves on. I wish there had been a message from the parents that the man’s behavior was wrong and unacceptable – that doesn’t really get addressed. Personally, I would not read this book to my students or to my child because of the discomfort it might cause. But your needs and values may differ.
Hug? by Chua. (Video) A girl hugs a sick cat to make it feel better. Then a dog asks her for a hug. Then LOTS of other animals want to hug her till she’s totally overwhelmed and yells STOP! She says she doesn’t feel well, so the cat asks her if she wants a hug and it makes her feel better. Then lots of animals are shown hugging, and it says hugs are great. The book is fun and silly with great illustrations. But the book description says “There are character education connections here to compassion, tolerance and empathy, and a terrific opportunity for discussions about boundaries.” I don’t see that message come through clearly.
I said no! by King and Rama. This is really lengthy – almost a textbook for a child age 7 – 10. Good content, but too much. The read-aloud video is about 20 minutes long. It could be helpful for a parent to read, just to build a collection of ideas to teach at teachable moments spread over time, not all at once.
|My Body Belongs… by Pro Familia||Humans, mostly white||Some touch is nice, some is not as nice. You can tell people ‘don’t touch me.’||4 – 6||Yes|
|Let’s Talk About||Diverse humans||Consent – ask before touching. You can say no. Tell adult if uncomfortable.||5 – 8||Yes, but long|
|Don’t Hug Doug||Humans, diverse age, race, ability, size||Not everyone likes to be hugged. Ask first.||3 – 6||Yes!|
|How to Hug a||Sea creatures||Respect that some people only like touch under certain conditions||3 – 6||Yes!|
|Can I Give||Merpeople, sea creatures||Ask others how they like to be touched||3 – 6||Yes!|
|Miles is the…||Human family, diverse skin tone, age||You can tell people you don’t want them to touch you||3 – 6||Yes|
|Rissy No Kiss||Lovebirds||Some people don’t like kisses, and it’s OK for them to say how they like to connect||3 – 6||Yes|
|No Means No||Human (white family, diverse classmates)||If someone wants to touch you, you can say no thanks||4 – 6||OK|
|Hands Off||Alligators||Don’t bump into, poke or push others – learn personal space||4 – 6||Yes|
|My Body – What I say||Humans, white girl protagonist, diverse others||5 body safety rules – early warning system, private parts, safety net||5 – 8||OK|
|Teach Your Dragon||Dragon protagonist, humans||It’s OK to say no to hugs and other touches. If someone touches you in a way you don’t like, tell||5 – 8||Yes|
|My Body Belongs by Starishevsky||Humans. Bi-racial child, white abuser||When someone else touches your private parts, you should tell someone||3 – 6||Worrisome|
|Hug?||Human girl and animals||Sometimes too many friends want hugs and that’s overwhelming||3 – 4||Yes|
|I said no||Humans – white boy protagonist, diverse others||Textbook on keeping private parts private||7 – 10||Too long|
For each book, I include an Amazon affiliate link that takes you to that book on Amazon so that you can read all the details about it and read other reviews. I do get a small referral fee if you click on those links and then purchase something on Amazon. However, I encourage you to use your local library – encourage them to have books like these in their collection! Or to purchase from local, independent booksellers. Learn more about where to find great kids’ books.
For each, I also give a link to a YouTube video of a read-aloud of the book so that you can preview the book in detail. (Note: I don’t know whether the creators of these videos had permission, or if they were violating copyright. So I tried to choose videos without ads, so the video creators don’t gain financial benefit.)
You might also be interested in these posts: Talking with Children about Touch and Consent; Books for Children about Sexuality; Talking with Children about Gender Identity (includes links to recommended children’s books on that topic) and Teaching about Tricky People, vs. Stranger Danger.
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Very interesting indeed
These are great resources and a very important topic. I love that you describe the characters in the books, so helpful! Thank you.