Tag Archives: toddler

hungrytreeThis is a picture of the Hungry Tree. It’s a tree at Farrell-McWhirter park in Redmond. On pretty much every Friday morning from October through May, we visited the Hungry Tree and “fed” pine-cones to it. Teacher Ann from Tiny Treks provided the voice effects (“I’m the hungry tree. And boy am I hungry! I want some pine-cones! Oooh – thank you!”)

It’s really simple. And it makes all the kids really happy. Every week. Week after week. Especially my boy who loves repetition.

This week I’m reading a lot about Nature Deficit Disorder, and all the benefits for kids of spending time outside. One expert  said “It’s not about taking your kid to Yosemite once a year. It’s about taking them down to that little scrap of grass in the neighborhood every day. It’s about helping them develop a relationship with nature.” My boy has certainly developed a relationship with nature through this weekly ritual of visiting the Hungry Tree.

After we visit Hungry Tree, we balance on the logs, then go wade in the creek (thank goodness for good boots!), then hike through the woods, then return for a snack and story outside on the tarp. My son loves this routine. I love this routine!

But connecting to nature doesn’t need to mean a weekly 90 minute hike in the woods. You could have a “hungry tree” or similar nature buddy in your yard! My son has a “nature job” – every time we walk to the library or store, there’s an apartment garden we pass where the rocks are always getting kicked out of the garden bed onto the sidewalk. My son really likes rocks, and originally he wanted to take these rocks and carry them away. Instead, he now knows it’s his “job” to return any rock that he finds on the sidewalk back to the garden with its friends.

Does your child have a nature ritual?

Toddlers love repetition

6 Replies

P1040090

All young children love repeating the same thing over and over. It gives them a great sense of mastery over their world when they know what to expect and they know what is expected of them. This is true of ALL children. But especially of my little boy.

With his big sisters, I was all about variety in their activities, and diverse experiences, and exposing them to as many things as possible. Sure, we had some books we read again and again, and some favorite places we visited often, but I definitely actively sought out new adventures for them, both for their sake, and – frankly – because I was young and impatient and easily bored of the ‘same old thing.’

But my boy demands routine. He insists on the familiar. He revels in repetition.

He dives deep into things with a devoted passion. When he had just turned two, he fell in love with Cat in the Hat, and we spent 3 months reading it over and over.We all had it memorized, and we were all grateful that there are so many of us in his daily life that can read to him. (Between me, my husband, the grandparents, and the sisters, he has 6 dedicated readers to go to. So each of us only had to read the book about 100 times, rather than the 600 repetitions I would have had to read without my village of support.)

After that, it was about 6 months of trains. The Thomas the Tank Engine videos, train books, toy trains and tracks, the trips on real steam engines, the sitting by tracks and watching trains pass by. Now, it’s not that trains were the ONLY thing we played with. On a regular basis, I “made him” do other things, and there were plenty of trips to the playground and the library and concerts and books about other topics… But definitely trains dominated. Again, it helped that his abuelo (grandpa) loves trains and was quite happy to play along.

Then it was 5 or so months of the alphabet. Listening to YouTube ABC songs in the car everywhere we drove, playing all the ABC apps that exist for the Kindle Fire, putting together letter puzzles, singing the ABCs, playing the “I’m thinking of an animal that starts with the letter R” game.

Now we’re five months into the planets. The books, the videos, the planetarium visits…  I’ve got the three year old who is sliding down the slide shouting “Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars…” and telling the other kids “the sun is the center of our solar system. The planets orbit around it. It takes one year for the Earth to orbit the sun” and so on. And everywhere we go he finds sets of nine objects to line up to be the planets. Whether it’s balls, rocks, sea shells, sugar packets at a restaurant… the smallest items are Mercury and Pluto, the biggest is Jupiter, etc.

Sometimes this repetition / focus drives his sister crazy. She’s 17 and thinks the world is more interesting with variety.

It doesn’t really drive me crazy though.

Most of the time.

Partially because I’m older and more patient. Partially because of all the other adults (and adult-like older siblings) who help support his passions – if it was only me doing all this with him, I’d have worn out by now. Partially because I can see how much he learns by doing it. We know from neuroscience that children learn / build connections in their brain through repetition, especially in a setting where they feel happy and safe. My boy learned to read before he was 3. He can memorize books, songs, and videos… the other day he was quoting a Bill Nye the Science guy video word for word… He’s also on track for learning all the things he should be learning at 3 – how to hold a marker (and draw planets), how to sort things by categories (rocky planets, gas giants, dwarf planets), how to make things of clay (yep, planets), how to carry a tune (yes, singing songs about planets) – and lots more skills we expect at this age. We’ve also talked about things I didn’t expect to cover at this age – like states of matter.

And really, the biggest reason I’m willing to repeat things over and over is simply that it makes him happy. The joy and satisfaction he finds in a deep mastery of a topic is pretty hard to resist.

Letting Your Child Take Risks

12 Replies

merryOn the one hand, it’s a parent’s job to protect a child from harm. On the other hand, children need to independently explore their world in order to understand their world. If we over-protect, we limit their ability to learn, we may teach them to be timid and fearful, and we may actually put them at greater risk. “If we round every corner, and eliminate every pokey bit, then the first time that kids come in contact with anything not made of round plastic, they’ll hurt themselves.”(Ted Talk by Gever Tulley)

If we allow them to take small, manageable risks with us there to supervise and coach them through, they learn more about life, they tend to feel bold and empowered, and they’ll have an internal sense of when a situation carries a potential risk and will know they need to be more cautious to stay safe.

Differentiating level of risk

When deciding about safety issues, what needs to be child-proofed, and what boundaries to set, think about the level of possible risk involved.

If the situation could turn from safe to life-threatening in one unsupervised moment (what I call “red light” issues), then you need to either remove the hazards (e.g. don’t leave poisonous items or guns out), block them off (e.g. fences around swimming pools, window locks that prevent the second-story window from opening all the way) or closely supervise the child at all times (e.g. if your child is playing with a ball in a park near a busy road). Rules about these sorts of situations should be clearly explained, non-negotiable and followed every time.

If the situation could cause a significant injury, that’s what I call an orange light. When a child is around these situations (like a campfire or the sharp knives in the kitchen), you model safe behavior for the child, you talk to them about the need for caution, and when the time is right, you teach them how to interact with those things safely. You do not leave your child unsupervised.

If a situation has some risk, but really the worst that can happen is minor damage to person (bump or bruise) or property (mess that needs to be cleaned up or non-valuable item broken), then consider whether this situation needs to be child-proofed or left as a low-risk learning experience.

Darel Hammond, CEO of KaBOOM! says “There’s a difference between an accident and an injury. Accidents happen – kids fall and skin their knees… And as tragic as it is in that moment, it’s through that experience that they’re learning perseverance, they’re learning determination. They dust themselves off and go try something again and they can overcome it.”

Or, as Tom Mullarkey, Chief Executive, Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents said “We must try to make life as safe as necessary. Not as safe as possible.”

Learn more about levels of safety / risk and how to teach safety skills to kids here.

Kid’s Favorite Risky Behaviors

No matter what we do to safety-proof, “Kids are always going to figure out how to do the most dangerous thing they can.” (Gever Tulley) Ellen Sandseter has developed these categories of risky play that seem to especially appeal to kids in play.

  • Great heights: Climbing trees, furniture, anything else to get that “king of the mountain” thrill.
  • Rapid speeds: Swings, merry-go-rounds, slides, bikes, roller coasters. Anything fast.
  • Dangerous tools and dangerous elements: Fire, hammers, knives, guns, power tools, chemicals.
  • Rough and tumble: Wrestling, play-fighting, chasing, pushing, pinching.
  • Disappearing / getting lost: Games like peek-a-boo, then hide and seek fulfill some of this desire, but there’s also little ones trying to wander outside their boundaries, older kids staying out past curfew.

For each, the child has a sense of possible risk, and feeling just barely in control, but managing to stay in control through that challenge. This gives a thrill, and also a sense of power and competence.

Children with a more passive temperament want these risks, but if they don’t have them, they may give up. For example, if the “safe” playgrounds in the neighborhood no longer offer a thrill to an eight year old, she may just choose to stay inside and play video games for a vicarious thrill. (Some people have argued that part of the American obesity epidemic in kids is due to their parents keeping them inside where it’s safe, and them not being physically challenged when they do leave the house.)

But other kids can’t resist their inner thrill seeker. If they don’t have approved opportunities in their environment that “push these buttons” then they will find a way to make them happen. Some of their inventions may be much riskier than we would wish. (A friend told a story from his teens of how he and his friends had filled a trash bag with some flammable gas, then lit it on fire. His line was “The first time we did it, it blew all the windows out of the garage.” The women who heard this story all said incredulously “the first time?? That means you did it more than once??” The men in the group all said “Well, yeah – the windows were already gone – nothing left to damage by doing it again.”)  You may want to start thinking now about how to offer options for positive risk-taking for your child…

As a parent of a young one, think about each of these categories of risks that kids seek, and consider whether you are offering your child access to these thrills in a safe, controlled environment where you can coach them as needed to learn new skills for how to do it well. Have you let your child climb to a “great height” this week – the big slide at the playground? A good climbing tree? A steep hill on a trail? Have they experienced great speeds – riding in a bike trailer? Being pushed high on a swing? Spinning in an office chair? “Dangerous tools” at this age is about using tools they see mommy or daddy using – a metal fork instead of a soft plastic spoon? A table knife to cut a banana with? The TV remote? For rough-and-tumble, toddlers love wrestling, or holding hands between parents and being swung up high in the air, or chase games. For “getting lost”, nothing beats hide and seek. They may also like getting a long distance away from you – when you’re outdoors in a place where it’s safe to do so, give them some space.

Benefits of Risky Play

It’s easy to look at risky play and think of it as “stupid.” Why do children do risky things, even when they “know better”? (One of my favorite lines was from a group of middle school boys after an accident led to a broken arm for one: the principal asked them why they did something – “didn’t you realize someone could get hurt??” They shuffled their feet a little, looked at the wall, and eventually said “well, yeah, of course. We just didn’t think anyone would get hurt that badly.”)

There’s clearly an evolutionary benefit to play, since young animals of every species learn by playing, and often by playing in rough and tumble ways that can lead to injury. What are the benefits?

  • Learning skills they’ll need as an adult: At some point, kids need to learn to use dangerous tools.
  • Persistence / overcoming challenges: “Risk teaches children how to fail and try again, test their limits and boundaries, become resilient and acquire coping skills” (Hammond)
  • Responsibility: “Childhood is the time when children take more responsibility for themselves, for their safety and for their actions. We actually do children a dis-service by trying to eliminate risk from their lives as they grow up. It’s a good thing for children to be exposed to the possibility that things might go wrong because that’s how they learn to cope with challenges.” Tom Gill, author of No Fear.
  • Emotion regulation: It helps children “regulate fear and anger… youngsters dose themselves with manageable quantities of fear and practice keeping their head while experiencing fear. In rough and tumble play, they may experience anger, but to continue the fun, they must overcome it.” (Gray)

Questions to Ask Yourself

If you have young children at home, you are, of course, going to safety-proof all the potentially life-threatening risks. You will, or course, teach your child safety skills that help reduce injuries.

But can you also view risk as a learning opportunity? Can you sit back and let your child experience a few bumps and bruises as they explore their world? Can you tolerate some messiness in your life, and occasional damage to your possessions if it allows your child to discover new ideas and new skills?

caution

photo credit: xiaming via photopin cc

Recommended for more info:

Read: Risky Play – Why Children Love It and Need It, Peter Gray in Psychology Today. www.psychologytoday.com/blog/freedom-learn/201404/risky-play-why-children-love-it-and-need-it

Read: The Overprotected Kid by Hanna Rosin. The Atlantic, March 2014.
www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2014/03/hey-parents-leave-those-kids-alone/358631/
(It’s a long article. If you’d prefer to listen to an interview with the author that covers the same ground, go to www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/parents-let-kids-take-risks/)

Read: Can a Playground be too safe? By John Tierney. www.nytimes.com/2011/07/19/science/19tierney.html

Watch: The Benefits of Risk in Children’s Play www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRn1a82tdHM and
Ted Talk by Gever Tulley: 5 Dangerous Things You should Let Your Kids Do. www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pn_awAPYlGc

Listen to: The Land by Erin Davis: www.prx.org/pieces/100288-of-kith-and-kids#description

On Facebook, like: Play Free Movie – they post lots of great links on these topics!

Teaching Safety Skills to Toddlers

9 Replies

In the early years of parenting, it’s completely the parents’ responsibility to keep the baby safe. But by the time our children  leave the nest at 18 or so, we hope that they are fully capable of making wise decisions to keep themselves safe without our help or advice. How do we get them to that point? We start when they are toddlers, by teaching them to assess their situation for safety vs. risk, and by teaching skills that reduce their risk of harm.

When teaching safety, think “prepare, don’t scare.” Scaring your child by over-protecting, hovering, or gasping with fear whenever they move can create a fearful child who is unwilling to explore. Preparing your child by teaching them how to explore their environment wisely and with caution when warranted is very empowering.

The Language (and Body Language) of Safety: Interpreting Situations for your Child

When our children are little, they have no experience with what is safe and what is not. They rely on us to help them learn. Babies begin “social referencing” at 8 – 12 months. When they encounter something new, they look at their parents for information. If you’re smiling, and verbally encouraging them, they move toward it. If you look worried, they may move away or move more cautiously.

You can help them to interpret the safety or risk potential in a situation by your responses when they do their check-in. It may help you to think about a few different levels of risk potential:

  • Green = it’s totally safe, I have no worries. When your child looks to you for input: put on a big smile, nod, and verbally encourage exploration.
  • Yellow = minor risk of harm to child (or property), but easy to avoid harm if they exercise a little extra caution. Look positive but thoughtful, lean forward to show you’re paying extra attention, say with a quiet voice “just be careful” or “gentle touch” or “it’s fragile, hold it carefully” or “watch your feet” – something that tells them how to be sure they’re safe.
  • Orange = risk of harm to child, and they must actively work to avoid it. Look concerned (not scared) and attentive. Stand up and move closer. Use a strong voice to tell them what the risk is and what they need to do. Emphasize the important words. “The oven is hot. Move over there” or “that would be a big fall –go that way, back to the slide” or “I don’t want you to slip and fall. Use walking feet at the pool” or “it’s not safe to run in a parking lot – hold my hand.”
  • Red = imminent risk of harm, child must immediately stop, or you must intervene. (Save this for when you really mean it, so they take it seriously.) Look intensely alert, and either scared or angry (whatever gets their attention). Move toward them. Use your strongest, most urgent voice, and as few words as possible to tell them what to do. “Stop!” “Danger!” “Back up!” “Don’t touch – hands up!” After they’re out of harm’s way, then explain the situation.

Teaching Safe Behaviors

The most common causes of childhood injuries are falls, animal bites, drowning, poisoning, burns and motor vehicle accidents. It’s important for parents to safety-proof, but we also need to teach our kids how to be careful about these risks. For example, if a parent always gated the stairs and never let his child use them, think what could happen the first time she encountered un-gated stairs…

Preventing falls / Moving safely:

  • Practice safe movement on low climbers and short stairs to practice skills for higher places.
  • Use safety language to let them know when they’re moving into dangerous territory.
  • Model how to move carefully, demo how to pay close attention to hand-holds, foot holds, being cautious around heights, etc. Teach that sometimes it’s safest to sit down and scoot.
  • Encourage them to trust their instincts: “You’re looking worried. That is really high, isn’t it? I think you’ll be OK if you’re careful. If you want, I can help you do it, or I can get you down.”

Preventing bites / Interacting with animals:

  • Teach your child to always ask the pet’s owner before touching it. (No touching wild animals.)
  • Teach gentle touch – say the words, model the behavior, hold your child’s hand to guide.
  • Teach that animals’ food dishes are always off-limits. And so are cat litter boxes!

Preventing drowning / Staying safe around water:

  • Enroll your child in swim lessons by age 3 – 5.
  • Teach your child to move slowly and carefully around water – getting in and out of the bath tub, walking around the pool, etc. Point out that wet ground is slippery, and these places are full of hard surfaces that hurt to fall on, and that falling into water is very dangerous.
  • If your child plays in a tub or pool with other children, set strict limits on horseplay (i.e. no pushing anyone’s head under the water!)

Preventing poisoning:

  • Get Mr. Yuk stickers from Poison Control. Have your child watch you put them on substances and teach your child what they mean. (Note: dangerous substances should be kept out of child’s sight and reach. Mr. Yuk stickers are your back-up plan, in case something accidentally gets left out.)
  • Teach your child to always ask you before eating anything.

Preventing burns:

  • Teach them what smoke smells like and that they should always let you know if they smell it.
  • Teach the word “hot” and model that they should move away from things you call hot.
  • Teach “hands up” and model how to keep their hands away from something dangerous.

Motor vehicle, bicycle, and pedestrian safety

  • In the car, they need to know car seat use (and seat belt use someday) is non-negotiable. They must ALWAYS ride buckled in. No exceptions! Even when just moving the car a few feet.
  • If you are waiting in the car for something, keep your child buckled in. You can move to sit next to them to read a book or play while you wait, but don’t let them play in the car.
  • When riding a bicycle or other wheeled vehicle, make the bike helmet mandatory. Model the importance of this by always wearing a helmet yourself.
  • In parking lots, teach that we never play near cars, and we always hold hands.
  • When crossing roads, teach to look both ways, listen for cars, then cross.
  • Play “red light, green light” game or freeze tag so they can practice stopping quickly when you say so.

All-purpose safety tip: instead of just saying no, or telling your child what not to do, find ways to tell them what to do.

No Substitute for Adult Supervision!

Although this post is all about teaching safety skills, it’s essential to remember that young children can’t be responsible for keeping themselves safe! There is so much about the world that they don’t know that they can get themselves into danger without realizing it. And even if they do realize there’s a risk, that knowledge won’t always prevent them from doing it – they don’t have the impulse control to resist their urge to try something new. Children rely on careful adult supervision to keep them safe.

Injuries are most likely when:

  • the child or the caregiver is tired, hungry, sick or stressed
  • family routines have changed (on vacation, after a move, new babysitter / caregiver)
  • the child learns new physical skills which enable them to do new (and risky) things

Thus, parents should pay extra attention under these circumstances.

For more info on injury prevention and treatment, look here.

Great article about more ways to teach safety skills is here: http://life.familyeducation.com/safety/toddler/53828.html

Resources on Injury Prevention and First Aid

3 Replies

Check out this great info-graphic on childhood injury prevention from the CDC. To see more: www.cdc.gov/safechild/images/CDC-ChildhoodInjury.pdf

There are lots of great resources for safety information, but my favorite online collection is at: www.seattlechildrens.org/safety-wellness

  • Their safety and injury prevention section includes a wide range of topics… In the list below, I’ve linked to a few of my favorite articles on their site, but if you go there directly, you’ll find lots more!
  • Bike Safety, Car Seats, Choosing Safe Baby Products, Driver Education, Emergency Preparedness, Environmental Health, Falls (what to do in case of one), Fire Safety, Gun Safety, Helmets, Home Safety checklists, Injury Prevention, Pedestrian Safety, Playground Safety, Summer Safety tips, Sports Safety (skating, skiing,etc.), Sun Exposure, Toy Safety, Travel & vehicle safety, and water safety.
  • Their first aid section includes info on how to treat allergic reactions, bites (animal and bug), burns, CPR, choking, lacerations (cuts), poisoning, stings, strains and sprains, and broken bones.

Here’s my free printable handout on injury prevention for toddlers and another one on car seat safety.

Check out the prevention tips now and take steps to prevent injury. And… check out first aid tips now so you’re familiar with what to do before / in case something happens!

We also want to teach our children safety skills for how to explore their world, but still be safe, and understand the appeal of risky play and how to allow some of it while setting reasonable limits.