When planning class activities, where do you strike the balance between leaving out familiar favorites all the time versus continuously bringing in new activities?

Young kids have a couple essential key needs for brain development:

• novelty – experiencing things for the first time;
• repetition – doing things again and again till they master them;
• downtime – when they can just putter around without pressure to follow some adult agenda; and
• a sense of safety and happiness.

Finding a balance between these components is key. Every teacher in every setting will find a slightly different balance point. Here are things to consider.

Novelty – New Activities

Some teachers focus on novelty. In a class for babies to young toddlers, different toys are offered over the course of the year, from the simplest developmental level to more advanced as their skills grow. A toddler class might have a monthly theme, like apples/school theme in September, a farm and pumpkins theme in October, and fall leaves in November. So new things are always rotating in. My science enrichment classes have a new theme every week: from simple machines to chemistry to sink and float. Twelve activities all tied to one science concept helps them to grasp that concept. The next week it’s all something new to teach a new idea.

Benefits to novelty:

• new things can be super fun and exciting!
• new themes bring in new vocabulary and new things to learn about, broadening the children’s experience of the world
• new tools build new skills
• if, like me, you have a novelty seeking brain, it gives you an excuse to keep searchng for new ideas for your class
• if you have a whole storeroom of fabulous activities and toys, having themes helps you remember to rotate them all in at some point in the year
• parents tend to love seeing new things in class, and love seeing your “plan” for the month. They are more likely to see this as learning than when they see their child repeat an activity again and again (see below for how to talk with them about the benefits of repetition)

Downsides to novelty:

• takes a lot more planning time for teachers (often unpaid), and a lot more set-up and re-set time
• requires owning a lot more toys and supplies – harder for a start-up
• kids may be sad when a favorite activity disappears
• kids don’t have a chance to master anything fully before you’ve moved on to something new

Repetition

Benefits

As a teacher, you may understand these benefits to repetition – allowing a child to work with the same materials week after week. But it helps to have ways to explain them to parents.

Having access to familiar materials:

• is calming and reassuring to kids when they know what to expect
• allows them to focus on their current interests without flashy new things distracting them
• lets children play more independently, as they already know what’s available and how to use it
• kids may be more willing to take turns, and to put toys away at the end of the day, or walk away from an activity because they can trust that it will be there when they return
• children may plan ahead – arriving at school in the morning with an idea for how to continue what they were working on the previous day
• open-ended toys, like blocks, and loose play items can be played with in endless new ways, stretching a child’s skills and allowing them to explore lots of ideas

Seeing the Benefits

One year, I did monthly visits to a site where most of the materials were exactly the same each week. The teacher would add a couple new art projects each week, add a new item to the science area once a week, and rotate books once a month. But the gym was always the same, the same building materials all year, the same pretend play materials all the time… Their outdoor play area was just a strip of grass with a couple trees – sometimes she would bring out some balls or bubbles or “gems” to hide in the grass, but really not much.

Part of me judged her for this… I thought she needed to be doing a lot more. And yet…

Those kids were so confident in their space – they knew exactly where to find everything and how it all worked. Their pretend play was rich and involved, and very collaborative as they co-created things like making a “bus” with six chairs lined up and talking about all the places they would go. Their block play was much richer and more nuanced than I see at my class where I’m always bringing in new materials. And outdoors, they played so many social games, like tag and hide and seek, than I typically see with kids this age who have access to playground equipment. In general, the day was much more child-led, with the teacher supporting their play ideas, than it is in a class where the teacher has been working hard on bringing in her own ideas to guide kids through.

Now, it’s important to note that what made this an effective play-based class was that the teacher was not just sitting back and doing nothing as the kids play with the same toys. Instead, this highly-engaged teacher was absolutely moving around and stretching the kids’ play, scaffolding in new ideas and helping to guide their learning.

Downsides

What are the downsides to repetition? A child might get bored of the same old thing (though less often than you might think!) or they might not get exposed to as many new ideas and skills as in a novelty-based classroom. But generally the kids are pretty content with the same thing day after day.

However, the parents might not be.Sometimes when a parent sees the same materials out in the classroom week after week, they may wonder whether the teacher is “trying hard enough” to bring in new activities, or they may wonder whether they should choose a school that owns more stuff so more toys and supplies are available to their child.

It’s important for teachers to be able to explain to parents the benefits of repetition. And to show them how it is an intentional curricular choice – not just “being lazy.” Be able to speak about how the children’s play is evolving and getting more sophisticated with time.

Everyday Stations – Continuous Provision

Try looking up “continuous provision early years” for lots of thoughtful articles on the benefits of having some consistent stations and supplies available for long periods of time. Examples include:

• Writing and mark-making area – pencils, crayons, markers and paper always available for children to create their own work
• Reading area – always a collection of picture books available
• Construction – wooden blocks or Legos or similar
• Small world: vehicles (cars or trains), toy animals, dolls
• Sensory bin and/or water table with tools and containers
• Pretend Play area – dress-up, kitchen, etc.
• Play-dough station or an art table

These things are just out on the table or out on the shelves for kids to access freely when they choose. They are easy for a teacher as they can remain the same for a long time with only very occasional rotations or just dropping in new ideas occasionally when you have a little extra time. (Learn more about stations.)

Mixing Novelty into Stations

Enhanced Provision is the idea of temporarily adding in items or enhancements to a continuous offering. This might be guided by the current interests of kids in the class – for example, if several kids are excited about dinosaurs right now, you can find places to incorporate them. It might be guided by your own choice of seasonal themes – in October maybe it’s lots of pumpkins. Or you may see an area your kids need more practice in to build their skills so you bring that focus in for a while.

I typically think of these mix-ins as “invitations to play.” Kids who are ready to stretch beyond the familiar practices at a station will be excited by this novelty. Others may prefer to stick to their previous play plans.

Adding to a Station

• writing station – offer rubber stamps or stencils that match into a seasonal theme; have a “tool of the week” to skill build – like a scissor practice week or a hole punch project; add a prompt related to class topics – “draw a picture of something you saw on our field trip”
• reading area – If you’ve read something in group time, be sure it’s available for them to “read” to themselves for several days after that; offer props related to a book, like a felt board or puppets to allow them to act out a story; offer books related to holidays, seasons, or upcoming events
• construction – mix in small world items – like I added wooden farm animals to the wood blocks area for a while, or plastic zoo animals; issue a challenge – what’s the tallest building you can build? Make a prediction and test it; offer pictures of famous buildings – can you build this; offer a clipboard and paper so they can draw a picture of their creation. (Check out my post on all the ways to learn to build.)
• For sensory play, check out my “ultimate guides” to sensory bins and water tables which talk about a “recipe” of: sensory material, scoops, containers, and mix-ins for an infinite variety of combinations.
• Pretend play – check out the “props” section of my post on supporting pretend play for ideas.
• art area – I have an idea in mind for a progession of skills through the year, so my projects use that. For two year olds, we start the “adhesives curriculum” with sticky collage (Contact paper with the sticky side up that they can stick bits to), then tape loops on paper where they can stick items to the tape, then glue sticks, then glue with a paint brush, then tape, then squeeze bottles of Elmer’s glue so that over the course of the year they master lots of ways to stick things together. (For a great fleixble on-going art station, check out the concept of creation station.)

You can also shake up any familiar activity by introducing a hidey hole component.

Teacher’s Role in Continuous Provision

Here’s how Aaron Poyser describes it:

• Join in and model: play alongside children, model language and skills, and think aloud.
• Ask open questions: “What do you think will happen if…?”, “How did you work that out?”, “How could we make it taller?”
• Extend thinking: stay with a child’s idea long enough to build on it together, rather than moving quickly on.
• Observe and notice: who uses which areas, who needs more support, and what to teach or add next.
• Teach in the moment: use provision to revisit phonics, number and vocabulary from the day’s teaching.

More ideas for early childhood teachers.

In 2023, Pew Research Center published a survey of 3700 parents asking what it’s like to parent in the United States today. Here are some of the results:

Their Experience of Parenting

Parenting is an important part of their identity – the most (30%) or one of the most (57%) important aspects to who they are as a person. The percentage who say it’s the most important range – 35% of mothers say this vs. 24% of fathers. Black (42%) and Hispanic (38%) parents are more likely than White (25%) or Asian (24%) parents to say the same.

Parenting is hard – 62% say being a parent is at least somewhat harder than they expected, with 26% saying it’s been a lot harder. 41% say it’s tiring; 29% say it is stressful all or most of the time.

But I’m excited to see that most are feeling successful: 64% saying they do an excellent or very good job as a parent; 32% say they do a good job, while just 4% say they do an only fair or poor job. And 80% say it is rewarding and enjoyable most of the time.

It Gets Better

Parents of children 5 and older are less likely to say parenting is stressful and tiring than those with younger children.

What are their hopes for their children?

Their top priority is that their children are financially independent, and that they have jobs they enjoy. A smaller percentage say it’s extremely important that their child earn a college degree, become a parent themselves or get married.

What are they worried about?

They worry about their child’s mental health, about them being harmed by others, and about drugs and alcohol. The illustration below shows all parents. In the report, they break it out by race, and you shouldn’t be surprised that lower income parents, and families of color have more worries.

Do They Want to Parent Like Their Parents Did?

Also check out this post on what parents said in response to the question: “compared with how you were raised, are you trying to raise your children in a similar way or a different way?”

Learn More

You might enjoy my posts on: creating a vision for what kind of parent you want to be, Parenting Style, and Self Care for Parents.

There are a lot of comedy sketches making fun of the “gentle parenting” style. (And to be honest, I LOVE Mrs. Frazzled’s videos where she “gentle parents” politicians.)

But what is Gentle Parenting? Is it effective if “done right”? What are the possible pitfalls to avoid?

Overview

The approach was described by Sarah Ockwell-Smith in The Gentle Parenting Book. In her introduction, she dispels what gentle parenting is not: “It is not permissive parenting… Boundaries, limits and discipline play a crucial role… If you do not discipline your child, how can you be truly respectful of them? …In discipline, there are two active roles – the adult as teacher and the child as learner.”

It is clearly not authoritarian style parenting, where a parent gives orders and doles out punishment if those orders are not followed.

Instead, she says gentle parenting method fits in the “authoritative” style of parenting. Parents have high, but developmentally appropriate, expectations for the child. They are responsive to the child’s needs, and supportive of the child’s interests. They offer the child developmentally manageable autonomy. They set clear and realistic boundaries, and reinforce them consistently. They show affection and mutual respect. They show empathy, accepting and validating a child’s feelings, while still holding limits. “All feelings are OK, but all behaviors are not OK.”

There are four pillars to the approach: empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries. Let’s look at what that should mean for gentle parenting to be successful, and what pitfalls to avoid.

Empathy not Sympathy

Erin Leonard talks about a potential pitfall of gentle parenting is when a parent uses sympathy not empathy. Sympathy – when the parent feels sorry for the child – might mean they jump in and rescue the child or make excuses for their behavior. They might lower their expectations for their child or bend rules. (Sometimes this might look like “helicopter parenting.”) When this happens, the child learns to expect rescues, learns that they can manipulate their parent, and doesn’t learn accountabillity.

Empathy is “calmly honoring feelings but firmly correcting behaviors… ‘You’re really disappointed. I get it, but you cannot throw things. Go pick [that] up’.”

Respect, not rolling over

Once in a class, I was talking about the importance of respecting your child. One parent responded with “in my culture, respect is something you have for your elders or people who have higher prestige. What do you mean respect children?” I explained that for me, my goal is always to treat everyone with respect. That doesn’t mean deference or submission. It’s more the “golden rule” – treat everyone as you would want to be treated. I treat them as a person , who has equal rights and equal value as me, who I assume has the best of intentions and I assume is who is smart and capable. (In her RIE approach, Magda Gerber talked a lot about respecting babies!) But… respect is always affected by context.

I can be very respectful of an employee and we might feel like near equals most of the time, but when needed, I can exercise my authority. With a child, I can be respectful of them while still understanding their developmental limitations. “I know you’re still learning how to control yourself when you’re mad, and I totally understand why you’re mad right now! It’s never OK to hit.”

I had a 4 year old child at a storytime who frequently pushed his mother, hit her, tried to knock her over… not in anger or anything, just because he was bored. Letting a child do that is not true “gentle parenting” because gentle parenting includes mutual respect and holding each other to a higher standard.

Understanding, not always agreeing

Understanding can mean knowing your child’s interests, their dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses. It involves some warmth and responsiveness, rather than the colder, more standardized approach some authoritarian parents take.

But responsiveness doesn’t mean you let your child eat anything they want to, do anything they want to, and never do anything that they don’t like or that’s outside their comfort zone. One of our key jobs as parents is to help our kids do well in school and then launch into a successful adulthood.

I once had a conversation with a parent who asked me what she most needed to do to be sure her child would be ready for kindergarten. I told her she needed to say no more often and that she needed to make him do more things he didn’t want to do. This mom was a VERY loving parent who was trying to do her best. She didn’t like to see her child unhappy, so always accommodated his whims. But that’s not really preparing him for the way the world works. (And she was also exhausted…) Part of what she needed to do was teach him “when the teacher says it’s time to do X, you have to do X.”

Boundaries

When parenting a baby, many parents choose attachment style parenting, or a child-led approach. They follow the baby’s cues, and respond quickly to meet baby’s needs. That is 100% developmentally appropriate for a newborn. However, as the child gets older, it is best to start creating routines and rules to help guide your child’s behavior. When a child knows What to Expect and What’s Expected of Them, they can be successful in school, and life at home can be more pleasant.

An effective gentle parent would: Set clear limits. Hold them consistently. Plan ahead for how to respond to bad behavior. And then do that.

Some people interpret gentle parenting as never punishing the child. It does mean never physically punishing the child (spanking or hitting). But it is necessary at times to impose consequences for bad behavior. This can be done in a respectful, empathetic way that still teaches the importance of following rules and being accountable for poor choices. Even a gentle parent can be the boss – a loving boss, but still the boss.

Learn more

• Gentle parenting: Techniques, pros and cons, and how to start
• An exploration of the meaning of gentle parenting
• What is positive parenting?

Or check out my articles on Parenting Style, an authoritative approach to Offering Choices, Discipline, and Emotion Coaching.

I have been teaching parent education classes for 30 years, and have taught expectant parents and parents of kids from birth through elementary school. Sometimes the same family would take many classes, but I also had many I only taught for a short time.

But, next year, I’ll be working in a program as their sole parent educator across all age levels, where the hope is that most families will return every year. So, I have to make sure my parent education sessions are differentiated so that they don’t feel like they’re getting the same thing again and again. There will be some key concepts that are taught at every level as a throughline, but each year has a different focus.

September – Brain Development; How Kids Learn

Overall concept: 4 keys to brain development – novelty (new experiences), repetition (the chance to do things again and again till you master them), down time (no pressure, child led, “puttering around” time), all taking place within a safe and loving environment.

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Serve and Return; Temperament
• Toddler 2: Balancing Child-Led and Parent-Led Time, Active vs. Passive Toys
• Preschool (age 3 – 5): Supporting Learning in the Play-Based Classroom; Scaffolding
• Tinkerers (STEM, age 3 – 6): Building a Toolbox – Exposing Child to Variety of Ideas and Experiences Lays a Foundation for Future Learning
• Engineers (STEM, age 5 – 8): Stretching Learning beyond Classroom Skills

October – Discipline – Helping Kids Learn How to Be Good

Overall concept: The Discipline Toolbox. You set the stage for success with a loving relationship, understanding of their capabilities, predictable routines, and clear expectations. When they get off track, you re-focus and re-direct. When consequences are needed, ensure they are developmentally appropriate, and proportional, then move on.

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Relationship, Responsiveness, Role Modeling, Distracting
• Toddler 2: Routines – What to Expect and What’s Expected of Them; Re-Directing
• Preschool: Same as Tinkerers, with a focus on applying in our preschool classroom
• Tinkerers: Fixing Chronic Issues; Consequences – When/Then vs. If/Then
• Engineers: How Your Approach to Discipline Changes as They Get Older

November – Emotional Intelligence

Overall Concepts: Talking to kids about emotions, and teaching skills for how to manage them helps build skills that are essential to their future relationships, success and happiness. Rather than rescuing them from sadness, teach that they can recover from it. Emotions can lead to bad behavior – you can validate their feelings while still holding limits.

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Emotional Literacy – Learning to Recognize their Feelings; Co-Regulation
• Toddler 2: Flipped Lid – Managing Meltdowns; Teaching Appropriate Expression
• Preschool: Self-Calming Skills; All Feelings Are OK, but all behaviors are not
• Tinkerers: as above, plus Managing Frustration and Perfectionism when Tinkering
• Engineers: Zones of Regulation

December – Self Care and Relationship Skills for Parents

Overall concept: The Oxygen Mask metaphor – if parents don’t take care of themselves, they run out of the energy and patience needed to take care of their children. So, self-care is important! And healthy relationships (with all the people in our lives) help us to feel safe, happy and supported, which makes us better parents. So, that’s our focus in December.

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Finding Time for Self Care / The Self Care Pie
• Toddler 2: Your Village: Relationships with Extended Family, Friends
• Preschool and Tinkerers: I alternate – one year preschool gets topic A while Tinkerers gets B, then they flip for the next year
  • Prioritizing Your Self Care Needs; Love Languages
  • 6 Skills for Healthy Relationships (with partner, friends, co-workers, kids)
• Engineers: Relationship Skills; Spending Time on Yourself

January – Development: Raising a Well-Rounded Child

Overall concept: Much of our culture is focused on a few areas of development with academic skills like reading and math getting a lot of attention. But physical skills, social-emotional skills, and independent problem solving are equally important. How do we help support our children’s learning in all these areas?

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Developmental Milestones, Supporting Your Child’s Development
• Toddler 2: ASQ Screening; Helping Your Child Grow in All Areas
• Preschool: Kindergarten Readiness; Structured Learning vs. Child-Led
• Tinkerers: Ten Types of Intelligence
• Engineers: Supporting Academics; Extracurriculars: Breadth, Depth, and Downtime

February – Children’s Relationships

Overall concept: Helping our children development friendship skills is important! This includes turn taking and sharing (when developmentally appropriate), learning how to join in play and invite others to play with you, and learning about conflict resolution.

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Language Development (we also do nutrition this month)
• Toddler 2: Sibling Relationships, Only Children, Adding a New Baby; Playdates
• Preschool: Supporting Friendship Skills in our Classroom
• Tinkerers: Building Social Skills – Practicing at Home and with Friends
• Engineers: Dealing with Rejection and Relationship Challenges – Internal Locus

March – Mirrors and Windows, Roots and Wings

Overall concept: When children are rooted in a strong family connection, it helps them be bold enough to venture out and explore. When they know their family culture and see it reflected in books, movies and other activities, it helps them know they belong and they matter. When they have windows into other people’s lives and experiences, it develops empathy and appreciation of diversity.

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Cultural Identity and Family Traditions, Bilingual Children
• Toddler 2: Mirrors and Windows – Choosing Toys, Books, Movie and Activities that Help Your Child Feel Seen AND That Help Them See Other Perspectives
• Preschool: Talking about Differences – Learning to Appreciate Diversity
• Tinkerers: “Sorting by Category” or Taxonomy is a Key Science Skill, So Why Are We So Surprised When Our Kids Make Statements about Stereotypes?
• Engineers: Navigating Your Child’s Growing Independence; Differentiation

April – Raising Bold Kids

Overall concept: It may be tempting to want to protect your child from all harm, but they learn by exploring and taking risks, they learn through mistakes and trying again, a few bumps and bruises teach the importance of appropriate caution, and they learn they can recover from disappointment if we don’t rescue them every time they’re sad. How do we balance all this?

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Safety and Injury Prevention; Separation Anxiety
• Toddler 2: Balancing Safety and Exploration; Time Outdoors
• Preschool: Independence, Growth-Based Mindset, Resilience
• Tinkerers: Why Kids Like to Take Risks – Supporting Exploration within Safe Limits
• Engineers: Challenging without Pressuring – Finding the Right Levels

May – Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

Overall concept: There is no one right way to be a good parent. There are lots of parenting approaches that are quite successful! But knowing what style of parent you want to be, and thinking about what your eventual goals are for your child can give you a long-term vision. When juggling day-to-day demands, we might sometimes fall short of that, or sometimes our child’s needs of the moment change our plans. But having a vision and being intentional helps us to stay on track toward our goals.

Age-Based Focus Ideas:

• Toddler 1: Simplicity Parenting – How Much is Enough, How Much is too Much?
• Toddler 2: Course Correcting – What Happens When We Have a Bad Parenting Day and Aren’t Living Up to Our Own Expectations about What a “Good Parent” Is?
• Preschool: Parenting Style – Are You Your Child’s Boss? Their Friend? A Friendly Boss? Do You Tell Them What’s Best for Them, Or Listen to Their Ideas about That?
• Tinkerers: The Road Map – What is Your Eventual Destination, and Are You Heading That Way Today?
• Engineers: Being an Askable Parent – Talking about Difficult Topics