Category Archives: Your Unique Child

The Super Picky Eater

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photo of a child disgusted with food

If you have a “typical” kid, just check out my basic overview of toddler nutrition. If you’re one of the 30 – 50% of parents of toddlers/preschoolers who would describe your child as a “picky eater” then check out and try my tips for picky eaters. But, if your kid is a whole other level of picky eater – where you’ve tried all those tips, and your kid still eats a very limited set of foods, then this post is for you.

And I’m here in solidarity with you! I could easily make a list for you of all the foods my 8 year old is willing to eat. And they’re specific – I can’t say he eats yogurt. I can say he eats yoplait brand only and only these flavors: strawberry, strawberry-banana, and blueberry. When I say he eats chicken mcnuggets, I don’t mean any kind of breaded chicken product, I mean ONLY the ones from McDonald’s (or Wendy’s in a pinch).

And if you’re judging me for feeding my kid McNuggets, then here’s the thing – it’s the only meat he has ever put in his mouth in pretty much his entire life. And if you’re judging me for that, well, then you’ve never lived with a super picky eater, and this is not the post for you.

Why are some kids super picky?

There can be a wide variety of reasons. A child with an extremely strong sense of smell may be overloaded while eating – a child with a very limited sense of smell may not enjoy food. A child who had a traumatic experience with choking may be very hesitant to eat after that. Children who have food sensitivities may not be able to articulate them or understand them – they just know that sometimes they feel icky after they eat so they just eat less.

Many extreme picky eaters are either autistic, or have anxiety, or have sensory issues. Or like my son, they may have all three of these challenges.

This blog post, written by an autistic nine year old has given me the best insight into “The Reasons [They] Don’t Like to Eat.”

“Sometimes I eat something and it tastes nice; it is the right color and it feels nice and soft in my mouth. But then some days I eat what you tell me is the same and it isn’t the same… I get upset. You ruined it. … You damage it if it has sauce or potatoes on it. Then it is not nugget skins, but some weird thing my brain does not know. So, all nuggets are dangerous. And I get scared again.”

I totally see this with my son. He will love blueberries for a long time – but then he gets one bad blueberry – an under-ripe overly tart one, or an over-ripe squishy icky one. Then for weeks he has a hard time trusting blueberries again. He prefers processed packaged food to real whole foods, because Cheez-Its taste the exact same and have the exact same texture every time. He can trust them. Bananas are a risky proposition.

If you’re having a hard time understanding this, just think about one of your preferences. Maybe you like Coke but Pepsi is really not the same and you’re disappointed if you have to drink it. Or you really like your coffee with half-and-half and Splenda. And if you’re on a trip and they only have skim milk and sugar, it’s just not the same, and it throws your morning off a little. Now, put yourself in the shoes of an anxious child, who doesn’t have the perspective and flexibility you’ve gained from experience, and perhaps you can understand the upset?

If your child is old enough (maybe 5 or older?) try asking them open-ended questions to learn about what they like, what they don’t like, and what worries them about food. Understanding this can guide you in the next steps to take.

Can you force them to try foods?

I have to be honest that I have never tried to force my child to eat. With my older kids, I could do a little wheedling and nagging, and they’d give it a try. With my youngest, the nagging doesn’t work, and I’ve always had the sense that if I tried to force it, it would be bad.

There are plenty of examples of super picky eaters who will gag or vomit if you try to force them to eat something. Then later on, they’ll gag or vomit if that food is even in the same room with them, even if they’re not being pushed to eat it. And their food repertoire becomes even more restricted.

I don’t know if that would be the case with my son. I do think he would have big meltdowns, and I do think it would damage the trust he has in me, and I think it might make eating new foods even more stressful for him.

Encouraging Them to Try to Broaden their Eating

Be sure to check out the tips in my picky eaters post, plus:

Steps to Eating

When introducing a new food, tips will often say “offer just a few bites… expect your child to have to try something 7 or more times before they accept it.” For a super picky eater, we need to take even smaller baby steps. This Steps to Eating chart is helpful in describing those steps… can the child tolerate being in the same room as the food? Can that food be at the same table? On their plate, but not touching any of their other food? Are they willing to try smelling the food? Touching it with one finger? Licking it? Each step closer to eating it is progress!

Food Chaining

Another helpful tool is food chaining. Think of a food your child likes. Level 1 is to give them very similar foods – same taste and texture – for example, with my son, we’ve introduced Tyson chicken nuggets (yes, not the most healthy option, but very similar to McNuggets, but something we can have in the freezer at home). Level 2 is to vary the taste, but keep the texture – maybe dip the nugget in sauce? Level 3 is to maintain the taste but change the texture – so chicken strips made with whole chicken breast rather than the ground / reconstituted chicken in a nugget. Level 4 is to vary the taste and texture – breaded fish patty?

Slow and Steady Changes – Texture and Color

Some young children are very picky about texture. At some food clinics, they will puree all the child’s food, and they gradually move toward chunky purees, then eventually solid foods. Some kids will eat only crunchy foods – so parents try lots of the veggie chips, kale chips and so on. Eventually hopefully moving to carrots and apples for crunch.

Some children are picky about color. If a child preferred white food, they could start with 90% mashed potatoes and 10% sweet potatoes, and gradually increase the orange.

Many picky eaters like very bland foods (white noodles, white bread). But a few are sensory seekers and want very intense flavors – you may need to spice everything up.

Record Progress

Take notes on what they tried, and whether they liked it, and how much they tried. Comment on how much you appreciate their flexibility and willingness to try.

Have them rank things on a scale from 1 to 10. If it’s 5 or higher, encourage them to try it again a few times in the next week. If it’s lower than 5, don’t offer it again for quite a while till you’ve had successes with other foods. A reward system might increase their motivation.

Limit Sensory Input at Mealtimes

If a child is easily over-stimulated, eating is a LOT of sensory input. Try eating in a quiet, calm place without a lot of other stimuli. Don’t talk too much about the food – just put it there and allow them to explore it.

Familiar Food in Unfamiliar Environments

I only ask my child to try new things when he’s having a good day – we’re relaxed, hanging out at home, all is going well. But when we’re in a challenging situation, I make food as easy as I can. To understand why, read this quote from the blog post cited above:

“Sometimes people even want me to change rooms to eat… School does that. You want me to move to some place, sit down, and eat what you have made… No one told me I would smell different things, hear different voices and touch different stuff, and now you even want me to taste things? It is too much, so I just freeze.”

When my son is having challenges at school, I want to make sure his lunchbox is filled with all of his familiar favorite comfort foods and that it always meets his expectations. There are always 5 items – there’s always a yogurt tube, always cheesy crackers, always two fruits and always either a peanut butter sandwich or apple slices with peanut butter. And if we’ve run out of any of those things, I tell him when I pack his lunch, and I explain the substitution I’ve made. I want to be sure that lunch at school is something that re-grounds him, not upsets him. We can try for more food variety in all the other meals in his week. And when we go on vacations or to family camp, we pack protein drinks, protein bars, and peanut butter crackers. I know we can always find fruits and grains he will eat, but these are the ways I ensure he gets protein.

When should you seek help?

If your child is a super picky eater, you should already be talking to their doctor about it for advice and to monitor their weight gain and development.

Also, watch for physical signs of food intolerances or allergies. Many “picky eaters” are later found to have food sensitivities. So, if you see rashes or eczema, or your child has frequent diarrhea or constipation, or frequently complains of a sore tummy, talk with your doctor to see whether any kind of allergy testing or food elimination would be warranted.

If a child often gags or chokes or has problems swallowing, they might benefit from a “swallow study” or work with an OT or speech-language pathologist to build their eating skills and muscle coordination.

But here are some red flags that they may need additional support:

  • It’s getting worse – their list of accepted foods is getting smaller and smaller. Maybe it used to be 20 foods, and now it’s 10.
  • You believe your child would starve or be hospitalized before they’d eat foods they don’t like.
  • They will only eat if someone else feeds them. (In a child who should be old enough to feed themselves)
  • If their pickiness is limiting their life – for example, they can’t go on play-dates or sleepovers or eat out at a restaurant due to food limitations.

If this is the case, talk to your child’s doctors about your next steps.

More ideas

Do the ASQ Screening for Your Child

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stick

Why do a developmental screening?

Developmental screenings are a helpful tool for making sure your child is on track with their development. They are a “snapshot” of how your child is doing at this moment. They’re helpful even if you’re pretty sure your child is on track, because they help you get ideas of where to focus your attention in the short-term to make sure they’re well rounded. They’re especially helpful if you have any concerns about your child’s development – a screening tool can either reassure you that they actually are on track, or can verify that they have some challenges that you should seek support for early on.

Developmental delays, learning disorders, and behavioral and social-emotional problems are estimated to affect 1 in every 6 children. Only 20% to 30% of these children are identified as needing help before school begins.(Source)

The ASQ

There are several great screening tools and resources for understanding child development. Today, I’ll walk you through the ASQ – the Ages & Stages Questionnaire, a free online tool, using a method that’s been proven through research with tens of thousands of parents. (Learn more about the ASQ.)

It looks at how your child is doing in five areas: communication, large motor, fine motor, social-emotional, and problem-solving. Learn more about these developmental milestones.

Doing the questionnaire likely takes 15 – 20 minutes. It’s easier to do on a laptop or desktop than on a mobile device. It’s best to do it when your child is around so you can check their skills if there is any answer you’re not sure about. And it’s best if they’re rested, fed, and relaxed so they can show you their best skills. That said, it can also be helpful if another adult is around to help you with distracting the child while you’re filling out questions and can help you figure out answers to questions you’re not sure about.

Note: Some parents choose to download the questionnaire and print it to fill in off and on over the next week, then return to the website to enter their results online so that it will do the scoring for them.

Completing the Online ASQ

Go to https://osp.uoregon.edu/home/checkDevelopment. Click on “Let’s Get Started”

On next page click continue – on next page click to agree to terms and continue, then enter date of birth. Then you’ll get a screen saying something like “For ages 25 months through 28 months – 27 month ASQ” – this is making sure you’re using the right checklist for your child’s current age.

Continue to online questionnaire. (Or download it to fill out by hand and then return to the website later.)

There will be a page where they ask about demographics – ethnicity, education and so on – they ask this because the people who are offering this survey are doing research on who uses the tool, and this is helpful to their research process. They do not do anything with this data which would violate your privacy, and you won’t get any emails from them except the results of this screening.

The next screen will be instructions – they’ll tell you that you need to try every activity with your child before marking an answer – that would be ideal, but you don’t have to… if you know your child can do something easily, it’s OK to just mark it yes. On things you’re not sure about, do have your child try it.

On the questionnaire, you’ll be asked 30 questions – 6 questions per category in 5 areas of child development. You’ll mark “yes” if this is something your child is definitely capable of and has done successfully multiple times. If they have done it a few times or they can sometimes do it but not always, mark “sometimes”. If they’ve never done it, mark “not yet”. The way the survey is designed, we might expect a not yet or a couple sometimes in any given category, so don’t worry if you’re seeing some.

Mark answers as accurately as you can – this screening is not about “making your child look good” – it’s about getting an accurate assessment of where they’re at.

Then there will be a few general questions, like does your child hear well, do they have vision problems. It’s OK to fill those out or to skip them.

Then it will say something like: “For ages 21 through 26 months (24 month ASQ:SE). The ASQ:SE-2 asks simple questions about your child’s behaviors. Before continuing, please read instructions…”

This second questionnaire, the ASQ-SE, is optional. I would say: if you feel like your child has more behavioral challenges than the average child, or more big meltdowns / tantrums, or doesn’t connect to you and others like you see other children do, or there are other things that make you worry that your child may not respond like other kids do, then do this questionnaire. If not, you can choose to skip it. This questionnaire takes 5 – 10 minutes.

Enter your email address to receive results by email. (If you’d prefer not to give your email, then click to skip this step, and it will take you on to a page where you can “download your ASQ Results letter”)

Understanding Your ASQ Results

Your results will look something like this:

Results for your child BXD born on November 23, 2016
Your child’s development appears to be on schedule at this time.
On schedule Communication, Gross Motor, Fine Motor, Problem Solving, Personal-Social
Monitor None
Not on schedule None

or

Results for your child BXD born on November 23, 2016.
ASQSE Social-emotional development is in a monitor area at this time.
Overall Section You noted a concern in this section. See below for follow-up ideas.

Note: if you had a paper version of the questionnaire, results look like this:

tally

The white zone is “on schedule”, the gray zone is “monitor” and the black zone is “not on schedule.”

If your child shows as being “on schedule” that’s good news. This test rarely has any “false positives.” If a developmental screening shows that a child is on track developmentally, we can be pretty reassured that all is well. You can just keep doing what you’re doing with them. Or, if there’s one developmental area where you had more “sometimes” or “not yets” then you may choose to do more activities in that area to ensure they stay well-rounded. For example, if you didn’t mark “yes” on all the large motor questions, then spend a little more time at the playground, pool, or gymnastics or dance classes so they can run, jump, kick, throw…

If your child has some things marked as “monitor” – I think of those as “grey areas”. This test can have “false negatives” where the test shows a possible problem, and it turns out that all is well.

If I see “monitor” in one area, that makes me go “hmmmm…. I wonder why.” Here are the questions I ask myself

  • Can they do similar things? The first thing I do is look back at the questions in that section and how you answered them. (The questionnaire with your answers marked will be attached to your email, or you can find it by clicking on “download your completed ASQ”.) Sometimes there were just super specific questions, for example, there’s a fine motor question of “does your child flip switches on and off” or “can your child string beads on a string” and you said no just because they happen to have not ever done this… but think, are you confident that they have enough fine motor skills that they could do something like that? If so, then there’s no reason to worry about it.
  • Is there something about that question that doesn’t apply to their experience? All standardized questionnaires have some biases or assumptions. For example, there are questions about climbing stairs, and there are children who grow up in a town with no stairs. There are questions about forks and some families tend to only eat finger foods or they use chopsticks so may not use forks at home. When the mother of one of my students was doing this questionnaire, and she showed her daughter the incomplete stick figure drawing in the illustration at the top of this post, her daughter said it showed a teacher. This may not make sense to you, but if you’d met me, it would make sense! (I have one leg and this child knew me well as her first teacher.) If the question doesn’t directly apply to your child, again ask yourself “do they know similar things?”
  • Is there a reason they might be behind in this particular area of development at this particular time? For example, if you are a bilingual or trilingual household, your child might test as “behind” in language in ONE of those languages. But if you think they have solid language skills in BOTH languages, I wouldn’t worry. If you tend to solve problems for your child whenever they get frustrated, they might be “behind” in a problem solving skill, like getting themselves dressed. Or sometimes kids are behind in large motor skills in the winter time just because we haven’t been playing outside where there’s room to run.
  • Is there a reason why they might be behind overall right now? If you’ve had any big stressors in your family recently like a move, a new baby, a death in the family, a divorce – these are all things that might have distracted your child’s learning temporarily.

If you find answers to these questions that satisfy you, it’s likely that all is well and there’s no reason to worry. It wouldn’t hurt to put some extra effort into building your child’s skills over the next two months, and then do another screening just to be sure.

If you’ve taken all of these questions into consideration, and your child still seems to be missing some skills, then definitely work on building those skills (see below) and do another screening in a few months, or seek more information now.

If your child is marked as “not on schedule” in one or more areas, you definitely want to explore it more. Ask yourself the questions above to get a clear understanding of the results, then consult with your child’s doctor, teacher, or another professional to learn more. It is possible that when you investigate more, it will turn out all is well, or there is only a very temporary delay. But it’s important to check to be sure, because if a child does have any developmental challenges, the sooner they get extra support, the better.

Resources if you’re concerned about your child’s development:

Resources to build all kids’ skills

Whether your child is on schedule, not on schedule, or in that gray area of “monitor” they will benefit from diverse learning experiences. I have lots of articles on Play and Fun Activities on this blog. Or check out:

Note: Easter Seals also offers the ASQ online for free: www.easterseals.com/mtffc/asq/. Theirs works just fine as an alternate, I just prefer the uoregon site listed above because Easter Seals asks for more of your private information (name, address, phone number) and will add you to their mailings.

Child-Directed Play: Floortime

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floortime

Child-directed play is an intentional practice where you sit and play with a child, allowing them to guide the play, as  you follow along. The Greenspan Floortime approach describes this as:

  • Follow your child’s lead, i.e. enter the child’s world and join in their emotional flow;
  • Challenge her to be creative and spontaneous; and
  • Expand the action and interaction to include all or most of her senses and motor skills as well as different emotions

Floortime was created by Dr. Stanley Greenspan for children on the autism spectrum and those with developmental delays. It can also be used with typically developing children. It is helpful for any parent or caregiver who wants new ways to interact and have fun with a child, wants to feel more engaged with and connected to a child, and wants to know how best to interact with a child to foster communication skills, social-emotional development and cognitive learning.

How Floortime works:

Set the Stage

  • Find a time when you can focus on play, when you and your child are both well-rested and fed.
  • Be present – set aside your mobile devices and other distractions, relax, and stay focused on the interaction.
  • Gather items that interest your child and have them available, but not so many that it’s overwhelming.
  • Your position is important. Be in front of them – that’s better for connecting than it is to be side by side or for you to be behind them. Get down to their level – typically on the floor. Your physical nearness, affectionate touch, and eye contact help them to stay engaged.

Follow their Lead

  • Let them choose the activity. Offer toys that they love. It doesn’t matter what you play, it matters how you play.
  • Join in their play. Match their level of play – if they’re low key, you are too. If they’re very energetic, match that (without escalating up to wild.)
  • Don’t feel like you have to teach them. Just let them explore and discover. Copy the way that they play. If they signal that they want your help doing something, then help them, but don’t just jump in and do things they haven’t asked for.
  • Measuring intent. Watch their gaze, expressions and body language. Where is their attention? Let them know it’s OK to take initiative and start an activity.
  • If they are motivated, don’t change the activity. It’s OK to do the same thing over and over again.
  • Be playful! Find joy in your interaction. Their current interest may not be inherently interesting to you. But tune into how it gives them joy.
  • Look for the gleam in their eye. That’s a great sign that it’s working.

If it’s not working: Are you trying to control the play too much – do you need to step back? Are you being too passive and aimlessly following them around – how can you join them in interactive play? (Learn more about following their lead.)

Here is a video sample of child-directed play:

Narration

If you feel tempted to ask a lot of questions, or do a lot of teaching, or you’re just over-talking, try observing silently, or responding to their play with simple reactions “uh oh!”, “what’s that?”, “hurray”.

If you want to talk, try narrating what they are doing. “You’re putting the toys in the basket. You noticed there’s only one toy left on the floor. Whoa, you dumped all the toys back on the floor so you can do it again!”

This narration tells them that you’re paying attention and that what they’re doing is important to you. You’re also building their language skills by giving them words to describe the things they do.

Use Emotional Expression and Responses to Engage

  • Expression – Use your eyes, facial expression, tone of voice and body language to connect and communicate. Your emotions (especially anticipation, surprise, and delight) help to attract their attention and keep them engaged. When you pair your words with emotional expression, it gives your child a better understanding of both the words and the emotions.
  • Observation and Response – Can you read their emotional cues? Do your expressions engage them more? If so, keep it up. If they’re seeming overwhelmed by you, back down a little – you’re following their lead.

Circles of communication

When Floortime is working well, it’s like a game of volleyball or ping pong. You know your child’s interests, so you “serve” by offering a toy. They “bounce back” to you by taking the toy. You talk to them about the toy. This back and forth interaction is where all the magic learning takes place. A young toddler, or a child with autism or delays, may only be able to go back and forth a few times before disconnecting. The older they are and the more play experience they have, the better they’ll get at this. The goal of Floortime is to build persistence – more of these circles of connection.

Once it’s working well, you settle into a flow of play – Floortime calls this “getting it cooking.”

If it’s not working: Are you waiting long enough for them to respond? Are they overwhelmed – are you talking too much or moving too fast? Are you following their interests and joining them where they are? (Watch for any expression, sound, or gesture that might invite you into their play.)

Stretch the Play

Once you’re “cooking” – you’re connected and have a nice back-and-forth pattern established, then you can work to take their play up a level.

Expand the play by adding in some new toy or new aspect of play, or offering some choices. For example, if they’ve been using blocks to make a stable for their toy horses, you can put a “roof” on one of the “stalls.” If they’ve served you the toy pizza over and over, ask for a drink to go with it. If you were playing peek a boo, drop the scarf and pretend to have a hard time finding it.

Expand just enough, but not too much. Your goal is sustained engagement – we want to keep out back-and-forth exchange going as long as we can. So, if your new extension keeps them engaged, and you’ve got that gleam, keep it up. If you lose their attention, back up a little.

If it’s not working: Some parents try to intervene too much. Some are too passive and don’t help child stretch.  Try to find the balance between following their lead and challenging them to interact, communicate, and think.

Tailoring to the Individual Child

Some children have sensory preferences – they really respond to sounds or to touch or to movement. Some children are easily overwhelmed by certain kinds of stimulation – sound or touch or smell might be too intense for them. Children may also prefer different speed of interaction – some like things to move slowly, some like fast moving play. This worksheet may be helpful if you feel like there are sensory or timing issues involved.

Benefits of Floortime

Some parents wonder – if I’m just playing the same simple game over and over, is my child actually learning anything? According to Autism Speaks, the back and forth play of Floortime “builds the foundation for shared attention, engagement and problem solving. Parents and therapists help the child maintain focus to sharpen interactions and abstract, logical thinking.” They also note these key aims: self-regulation, engagement in relationships, communication skills, and emotional learning.

Learn more

Learn more about tips for Floortime sessions, and see videos of parents and caregivers demonstrating these skills:

Grit – The Key to Success?

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gritMany people view intelligence as the key to success. However, there are plenty of intelligent people who don’t achieve much, and lots of successful people that don’t score that well on IQ tests. Angela Duckworth, from the University of Pennsylvania, suggests that an even more important trait is grit. “Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina.” “Grit is sticking with things over the very long term until you master them.”

Duckworth studied students at West Point, competitors in the national spelling bee, and those who complete college versus those who don’t. She’s tested them on the grit scale which asks if they work hard, if they stick to a goal till it’s achieved, and how they respond to setbacks. Those with the highest grit scores were the most successful in each realm.

She believes grit can be taught. Some ways to teach it:

  • Create a culture where struggle and risk-taking and doing things outside your comfort envelope is valued more than getting the right answer.
  • Tell stories about successful people that illustrate how being gritty and working hard despite setbacks helped them to succeed.
  • Talk about mistakes and failures as normal parts of learning – not reasons to quit.
  • Let them know that everyone, no matter how talented, runs up against things they can’t do. The ones who succeed are the ones who fail, pick themselves up, fail again and persevere till they succeed.
  • Honor them for times when they set goals, face road blocks, and carry on to completion.
  • Encourage a growth-based mindset.

Some argue that grit is a byproduct of other traits like confidence, courage and curiosity. Others argue that a child is more likely to be “gritty” and persistent and complete tasks in areas where they are passionate. Duckworth agrees: “I don’t think people can become truly gritty and great at things they don’t love So when we try to develop grit in kids, we also need to find and help them cultivate their passions. That’s as much a part of the equation here as the hard work and the persistence.”

Learn more:

Supporting Boys and Girls

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When learning about the differences between genders or temperaments or learning styles and their effect on your child, try not to think of anything as “here’s what’s wrong with my child” but instead focus on:

  • here are things my kid is good at – I should give them plenty of opportunities to do those things so they have a chance to feel competent and successful and
  • here are areas my child may need extra support in developing – what are some ways I can gently challenge and nudge them in that direction on good days without pressuring them (especially not pressuring them on days when everything is already feeling hard)

Here are thoughts for supporting boys and girls:

Helping boys succeed

  • Physical activity is essential: give him active chores, ensure he has plenty of time for big motor play. If he has a shorter attention span, it helps to break big jobs down into smaller tasks, and switch things around when working, alternating activities.
  • While girls learn best with words (spoken or written) as their primary source of information, boys learn better when they can manipulate or view the material.
  • Take advantage of boys’ natural curiosity and desire to fix things by giving problems to solve. Take advantage of his desire to compete by issuing challenges.
  • If you want to connect with a boy, do something physical together. Especially if you want to have a “serious talk” with him: Do it while walking side-by-side, not sitting and looking at him.

Helping girls succeed

  • Encourage physical activity of all kinds. Treat her as a brave, strong, athletic child.
  • Encourage her to practice skills that build spatial intelligence – build with blocks, make and use maps, and play video games that let her “move” through spaces and put pieces together.
  • Play with toys that move – cars, paper airplanes, balls – these help predict motion.

Stress response

  • When boys are stressed, they have an adrenaline-fueled reaction – either moving toward a danger (fight) or running away from danger (flight). These outbursts are hard to miss, and may be seen as disruptive behavior. A stressed boy might do best to get up and move, especially outdoors where he can be loud. But, he can also be taught to take slow deep breaths to calm his response.
  • When girls are stressed, they have an oxytocin-fueled response (the collect-and-protect response, aka “tend-and-befriend”) – they are more likely to turn to other people for support and to help defend from perceived threats. Their stress may be quieter and go un-noticed until they begin to cry. A stressed girl may do best when someone moves in close to her, speaking in a calm, quiet voice, and offering support with problem-solving. source

Learn more on gender https://gooddayswithkids.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/gender.pdf and gender identity: https://gooddayswithkids.com/2018/05/02/gender-identity/