I teach Discovery Science Lab and Family Inventors' Lab, STE(A)M enrichment classes in Bellevue, Washington for ages 3 - 9. I am also a parent educator for Bellevue College, a childbirth educator for Parent Trust for Washington Children, former program designer for PEPS - the Program for Early Parent Support, and a social worker.
Whether you’re a librarian planning story time, a preschool teacher looking for new songs or a parent of a toddler who is tired of the same five songs, here are resources for learning new children’s songs.
The very best resources I know of are:
Tell Me a Story from the King County Library System – searchable collection of hundreds of videos of children’s librarians singing songs and showing the motions
Jbrary – two children’s librarians (Lindsey Krabbenhoft and Dana Horrocks) have created a huge collection of videos of children’s songs (with motions) and also have lists of favorite books, ideas for storytime, etc.
Sing with Our Kids, where Nancy Stewart has created a song library which includes lyrics and .mp3 audio recordings of lots of great traditional kid songs, and a collection of “Books that Sing” – picture books that you can sing aloud.
And here are resources I have created that you are welcome to use:
For a preschool, here’s a full year music time curriculum with shaker songs, rhymes, songs, and recommended “books that sing” for 9 monthly themes – include ukulele chords. Here are the books-that-sing that I use.
my full lesson plan for a year’s worth of Toddler Circle Times. It includes lots more songs and rhymes, gathered around 9 monthly themes.
for an infant-wobbler class, here are all the baby songs I do during the year. (here are the same songs with the ukulele chords, and here are 11 x 17 posters of the lyrics to print and use in class)
collection of fun science themed songs for ages 3 – 6 which reinforce STEM concepts
Pretend play, also called dramatic play, imaginary play, or dress-up is a huge part of the preschool years. Let’s talk about: the benefits of pretend play, how children’s play skills develop, and ways that parents and teachers can support imaginary play (and what to do if you don’t enjoy it at first.)
Benefits of Pretend Play
Here are just some of the learning benefits that stem from pretend play:
Social-Emotional Intelligence – By role playing different emotional experiences, children can learn empathy; and can learn how to process and express emotions when they’re not in the midst of managing real feelings.
Exploring Social Roles – Pretend play gives children a chance to learn about different roles that people play, what tools they use and what the rules are for each setting (a teacher at pretend school acts differently and uses different tools than a waitress at a pretend restaurant). This helps them make sense of their world as they play out things they don’t totally understand yet.
Experimenting with their identity – They get to try on different personalities and different styles of interaction.
Abstract Thinking – understanding that this piece of bark that represented an ice cream cone earlier is now representing a piece of pizza for the next “customer” supports symbolic thinking (pre-literacy, pre-numeracy).
Communication and Negotiation. Discussing with a playmate what scenario they want to play out, who plays each role, and taking turns when they both want to be the doctor, helps them practice social skills.
Planning: short and long-term goals. If they want to play restaurant, first they have to gather the toy food, and the play money and set up the table, then decide who plays which role, then begin play – there’s a lot to think through.
Vocabulary: To play out a scenario takes a lot of new words!
Here are some examples of what children can do at each age.
1 to 2 years old. They need concrete props to organize play around. They can imitate things they have seen done in real life: pretend to talk on a toy phone, stir an empty pot with a spoon, pretend to eat toy food, tuck a doll in bed.
2 to 3 years old. Can substitute items – they can pretend a stick is a magic wand, or a pinecone is a cookie. Can play out a couple steps – car drives down road, goes to car wash. They can do pretend play if an adult or older child is supporting the play (by coaching them or asking questions or mimicking behaviors), but they’re not really able to get it with peers.
3 or 4 years old. They can do pretend play with others their age, following a pretty standard “script” where they know what it means to “play house” or “play pet store.”
4 to 5 years old. They play more creatively. “In [mature] pretend play, children act out sophisticated narratives. Children use a combination of objects, actions, and language together in narrative sequences and use language outside of their daily vocabulary as they meaningfully act out different perspectives and roles” (Early Childhood Learning Knowledge Center, 2006, p.2).
Supporting Pretend Play
“The adult should facilitate play, but not dominate play. Support the play, encourage the play. If children get stuck, you want to help them get unstuck and take the next step, but you don’t want to direct it.” (Source) Here are some ways to support it:
Read books and watch movies with that setting so they have a “script” for how to act in a pretend play scenario. (For example, before we do astronaut pretend play in my class, I encourage parents to watch shows about astronauts or read books to give context to the child. Before we did a pretend doctor’s office, we might learn about doctor’s visits.
Narrate steps to act out – “now it’s time to get on the airplane, put your bag here, let’s put on our seatbelts.”
Suggest next step: Can you make me some toast – will you put butter on it?
Pretend to eat. This is always engaging! Note, kids under two have a hard time not really mouthing the pretend food – pelase teach them how to pretend to eat at home, that will help reduce germ transmission at preschool!
Follow your child’s lead – don’t feel like it’s up to you to be witty and create amazing new scenarios – you’re not the director.
Have your own props, such as a doll to feed – model new ideas for them to imitate.
Slow down – take time and let your child process things
No multi-tasking – be present. No matter how tempting it is to scroll through social media, try to give the game your full attention.
Repetition is good – I know it can be exhausting to play the same thing again and again, but children learn through repetition.
If you’re getting bored, think about how to stretch their pretend play. Maybe try reading some new books or watching some new shows to inspure new scenarios? Or use cardboard boxes and items from the recycling bin to make props for a new scenario.
Props
Here are ideas for materials to enhance pretend play. Again, with 1 – 2 year olds, they need the props – older kids can create anything with imagination.
Toddlers have a hard time putting on complicated clothes, so for young children, choose hats, big shoes, capes – be careful about items that go around the neck if they are also playing on large motor equipment.
Three year olds respond best to clothing for characters they see in the real world: police, fire fighters, doctors, baristas
Four year olds love fantasy costumes: princess, fairy, superhero
Spaces – play tent, tunnel, big cardboard box, tent
Themes for Pretend Play: restaurant, school, library, post office, camping, zoo, doctor’s office, airplane, road trip, pirates. Don’t expect a 2 or 3 year old to be able to play something they’ve never experienced – e.g. old time farm life – play real world experience. 4 and ups more adventurous – show them a pirate movie then create a pirate ship on the couch.
What if you don’t like pretend play?
If you don’t enjoy pretend play with your child, you’re not alone!
Here are some tips:
Don’t feel like you have to entertain your child at all times… it’s healthy for them to learn to entertain themselves.
If you want to do things with your child, but just don’t enjoy pretend play, you can cook together, or do art, or play board games, or sports. Doing something you enjoy is better than gritting your teeth through things you don’t enjoy. And you can “outsource” the pretend play to a friend, family member, babysitter or drama teacher who does enjoy it.
Set a timer or something and explain you can play cars for this amount of time then you need to move on to something else.
Find pretend play that does work for you – I don’t love playing house or playing with dolls, but I enjoy putting on puppet shows where I tell a story with “ideas from the audience”
Build things together – asking questions about “what else would we have in our dollhouse” stretches the same abstract thinking muscles for your child.
Watch Bluey to See Pretend Play in Action
The show Bluey on Disney Plus does a fabulous job of illustrating how parents (and other grown-ups) can do pretend play with kids. Here are just a few sample ideas for pretend play scenarios from Bluey. They are cataloged (and there are links to episodes) at: Bluey’s official website, Fatherly, Dad Fixes Everything, and Bluey Wiki.
Taxi or Bus – where will you drive them to? Which passenger will get in next?
Hotel – they’re the desk clerks who check you in and show you to your room.
Restaurant – you’re the customer, they’re the wait staff. What will you order? What will they bring?
Neighbors – stand on both sides of a fence and have a conversation.
The Queen and the Butler. One person sits on the throne and gives orders.
Born Yesterday. Pretend to know nothing, and respond accordingly when they ask you questions or tell you what to do
Open a Zoo: design exhibits with the stuffed animals, make signs, and maps.
Backpack – they fill a backpack with goofy items, and you do travel themed pretend play, when you ask for a ticket, they may give you a plunger.
Kids pretend to be food. You pretend to prepare them .
If you child will start preschool in September, now is a great time to start getting them ready. (I’ve got tips here for how to prepare for preschool.) One thing you can do is read books about what it’s like to go to preschool.
Hello Preschool by Burris. (video) This one is my favorite – a really nice intro to what to expect in preschool that also touches on what’s expected of them (like sitting still and listening during group time.)
Rosie Goes to Preschool by Katz (video) is probably my second favorite – again, just a really clear description of what to expect.
Maisy goes to Preschool by Lucy Cousins. (video preview) This is excellent. Typical cute Maisy illustrations give a really good sense of what a day of preschool is like and what fun activities will be there. If your child won’t have naptime at preschool, skip that page.
Going to School by Civardi and Cartwright. (Video) A nice intro to preschool. It’s a little wordy for a just barely 3 year old, but otherwise quite good.
Preschool Day Hooray! by Strauss and Nakata. (video preview.) A cute book with engaging drawings and rhyming text. After you read through it once, go through and talk in detail about the activities shown, and about what a day at preschool is like.
Pete the Kitty’s First Day of Preschool by Kimberly and James Dean (video) is cute, but it starts with Pete packing his paintbrush and glue sticks and taking the bus, and I don’t think these things are typical for preschool.
Preschool Here I Come by Steinberg and Joven. (Video.) There’s so much to love about this book – engaging info, good coverage of everything that happens at preschool. But, oh my goodness, too many words for most preschool age children! Each page has almost as many words as you might find in a full book for a three year old. Maybe you could buy it and read bits of it at a time? Daniel Goes to School is also too wordy for most kids this age – though some love to be read wordier books.
The Things I Love about School by Moroney. (video) This is quite nice, but better reflects kindergarten / first grade experience than preschool.
My First Day at Nursery School by Edwards and Flintoft. (video preview). What I love about this book: it does a great job of showing all the activities at preschool and the day’s routine. What makes me hesitant… it has a theme of “there’s all these great things at preschool but I don’t want them, I want my mommy!” It has a good resolution, but if your child has never had separation issues, I wouldn’t introduce the idea.
On a similar note: Bye Bye Time offers a great strategy for separating when a child is somewhat reluctant, the Kissing Hand is a great book that offers a great goodbye ritual for kids who have a hard time separating, I Love You All Day Long reminds your child that you love them even when you’re not together, and Llama Llama Misses Mama shows how someone who really misses their mama can adapt. But, for all of these, my advice is: if your child isn’t worried about you leaving them, don’t read books that suggest that they should be! Save these for when there’s an issue.
This is How We Get Ready by DK. So… this book is full of helpful tips, like “lay out your clothes the night before, try to get 10 – 13 hours of sleep, and go to bed at the same time each night.” But this is supposed to be read to a 3 year old??? I don’t think it’s a children’s book, but it does have tips that might be helpful for parents.
Note: the book titles have affiliate links – I do get a small referral fee from Amazon (at no cost to you) if you click on the link and then purchase any item. The video links are to YouTube videos that I used to preview the book – I can’t ensure that the whole video is appropriate for your child – these links are not intended as a replacement for the book but intended to encourage you to purchase the book or check it out from your library and support great book authors and illustrators.
When children are about to start preschool, parents may worry about how their child will adapt. Here are steps you can take to ease the transition.
Prepare Yourself
If you are anxious, your child will pick up on that, and they’ll be anxious too. So, before you start talking to them about preschool, do whatever you need to do to build your own confidence about it. Get support from others if needed. If your child does notice your anxiety, calmly say “I’m feeling worried now just because this is something new – here’s what I’m doing to remind myself it will be OK.”
Planning for Success
If you’re still trying to choose a preschool, think about what kinds of settings and routines work best for your child, and if possible, choose a program that matches their needs and interests. For example, while some children are ready for full day preschool five days a week, that can be overwhelming for some children. If your child gets overstimulated quickly with social activities, consider starting small with a program that meets only a few hours a week, and gradually build up to more, or consider a cooperative preschool where they can stay with their child in the new setting to help make the transition easier.
Teach Skills
In the weeks or months before starting preschool, here are some skills to work on with your child:
Teach self-help skills. It’s hard on a child if they have to wait for a teacher to help them put on their coat for outside time or wait for help getting their lunch containers open.
Help them learn how to put on their shoes, put on and take off their coat and put things in a backpack.
Help them learn how to open their string cheese or yogurt containers by themselves.
Teach toileting, handwashing skills, and also practice how to use hand sanitizer.
Make sure they know to cover their cough by coughing (or sneezing) into their elbow, and they know how to blow their nose and throw the tissue away.
Teach social skills: how to make friends, how to invite someone to play with you, how to ask to play with a toy someone else is using, taking turns, and so on. Set up playdates to practice skills.
Create routines. What routines can you establish at home to make it easier to get moving in the morning? If you’ll need to be up earlier than you’re used to, can you adjust bedtime? Learn about school routines and use similar practices at home. (e.g. wash hands before snack time.) If your child will use new tools – like a lunchbox or water bottle – get them early and practice.
Read Books / Watch Shows
One of the best ways to introduce the idea of preschool (before even talking to your child about the fact that they will be going to one) is to watch shows or read books about preschool and about starting school. (Here are my recommended picture books about preschool.) Choose ones with a positive approach. (If your child is NOT feeling anxious, don’t choose books that talk about how worried a child might be… that can actually introduce anxiety!)
Preparing them for Preschool
Talk about what to expect at their school. Visit the school if possible. Or look at pictures or a video tour, visit the outside of the building and walk around. Show your child pictures of the teacher. Get some materials like they’ll have in the classroom and practice using them at home.
Teach and practice how to interact with a teacher. Explain that the teacher is there to help them and take care of them. Explain that the teacher is in charge. Teach how to get a teacher’s attention (raise your hand, touch their arm) and how to ask for help. Teach that sometimes they have to wait for a grown-up to be available to help. Play listening games (Simon Says, Red Light Green Light, or Copy this Rhythm).
Pretend play. Pretend to be going to school – who will play the parent? The child? The teacher? Play at things like: waiting in line (with stuffed animals), doing circle time, taking turns, raising hands, asking the teacher for help, saying goodbye at drop-off time.
Set clear expectations about your role at preschool. If you will be dropping them off and leaving, talk about how the drop-off will go, what you will do while they’re at school, and when you will pick them up. Create rituals for drop-off and pick-up time. Reassure them that although this may be a new experience, and they may feel a little worried, you are confident that they will be OK.
When Classes Begin
Don’t make too big a deal of the first day. That anticipation and excitement can turn into anxiety. (No big photo sessions!)
Don’t introduce all new clothes and shoes and backpack on the first day. Let them wear familiar and comfortable items. Pack their favorite foods and pack the exact same lunch for the first several days so they know exactly what to expect. Ask your school’s policy about “transitional objects” – having a toy from home might help them adjust to all the new things around them.
Allow extra time to get there – you want time to relax beforehand and remind your child what to expect. (Note: this is especially true if you have a child you think of as shy – I call them “slow to warm up.” These children do best when they can arrive a little early, before most of the other children, and settle in. They don’t do well running in frantic and late to a full and busy classroom.)
Build a relationship with the teacher(s), other kids, and other parents. When your child sees that you feel comfortable interacting with them all, they will feel comfortable too.
When it’s time to leave, keep your goodbyes brief and radiate confidence that they will be OK. DO say goodbye – don’t try to sneak out when they’re not looking. Tell them what they will be doing while you’re gone, and when you’ll return. (Be sure to honor that promise.)
Make your goodbye ritual simple and sweet. Make sure your child is either settled into an activity or knows that to do next, or hand them off to an adult for care so that when you walk out the door, your child has something else they’re focused on other than the sight of you leaving them behind.
Lots of children have moments of separation anxiety at first, and may be sad or crying when it’s time for you to go. Resist the rescue. Be caring and validate their feelings but stick to the plan and leave. Trust the teachers to be the professionals they are and manage common challenges of separation anxiety. Typically a child who cries at drop off will cry only briefly and soon calm down.
After class, give your child a chance to debrief and talk about how the day went.
Handling the Challenges
Even if you “do everything right”, your child may have bad days, with separation anxiety, biting or hitting, not sitting still for story time or other challenging behaviors. That’s developmentally normal!
Some things that help: if your child is having big feelings, acknowledge them, don’t just try to distract them away. Regression is normal – for example, a child who was potty trained may have accidents. Don’t punish or shame, just acknowledge the issue and say “let’s try to do better tomorrow.” If your child is really clingy, maybe they just need more snuggling for a while – soothe and reassure them.
Children who know they are loved try hard to be good. If they’re misbehaving, ask yourself – is there a skill or support they’re lacking? If so, help them build it. Ask yourself: could they have an underlying need that is driving the misbehavior? If so, meeting that need may resolve the issue. Be patient and remember that any challenges are just a phase. Just keep doing your best every day and encourage them to do their best, and you’ll make your way through to the other side of this big life step.
Note: if you’re in the Seattle area and looking for a great part-time preschool option, check out the co-op preschools offered by our local colleges’ parent education programs. I teach at Eastgate Co-op in Bellevue.
Early childhood is prime time for learning social skills. Although many children will figure them out on their own, some children, especially neurodiverse kids, may need concrete instruction to build the skills and everyone can benefit from practice! Here are tips for supporting your child’s social development.
Learn what’s normal / what’s next:
If you want to evaluate whether your child is on track with social skills, check out this checklist of play skills (or this one) that children typically develop at each age – you may discover they are right where they should be developmentally. If they haven’t yet mastered some of the typical skills, checklists give you a sense of what to work on.
It’s helpful to know what we’d typically expect at each age, and what’s next in typical development, so you can foster opportunities for learning.
Infants – Babies get lots of practice with social cues and interaction from the adults who care for them. Just practice serve-and-return interactions, where your baby smiles at you and you smile back. Your baby coos and you coo back. (Learn more.) And learn about infant cues to guide your responses. If your baby has the opportunity to interact with additional adults or older children, they will likely happily engage with anyone.
Older Babies. From 6 – 12 months, your baby learns to play more interactively with you and will likely enjoy peek-a-boo, copying your actions, clapping with you, passing toys back and forth, and finding toys you have hidden. Some babies may play happily with all they encounter. However, it is important to know that many infants develop a fear of strangers at around 7 to 8 months. Here are tips on reducing separation anxiety. And more tips.)
Young Toddlers – up to 2 years. Before 18 – 24 months, children primarily engage in solitary play, where they engage with toys, but often appear uninterested or unaware of other children. They do engage with adults or older children more effectively than they do with peers. To build social skills, try Floortime play, which begins with child-led play, then “stretches” the play to be more interactive and turn-taking.
Onlookers: Around 2 years old, they begin to shift to spectator play, where they may begin observing other children more. This is a great time to take them to public parks where they can watch other children at play, up close or from afar.
Older Toddlers – 2+ years. Children begin to engage in parallel play. They will play next to each other, often mimicking what the other child is doing. They may not often engage in reciprocal back-and-forth play with a peer, but they are learning from each other.
“Stealing” toys is very common at this age. They are not intentionally trying to deprive the other child of something… it’s just that they noticed what the other child was doing and they want to do it now. One of the most effective ways to handle this issue is distraction – let the child who seems more focused on the contested toy keep it, and distract the other child with a new toy. That will work better, and is more developmentally appropriate than telling children to share.
Three Year Olds. Around age 3, children begin to do more associate play. They start to interact more with each other, trading toys, copying each other, or “inviting” the other child to participate in what they are doing. They become more interested in the other child than in the toy. They may work together on a goal – like building with blocks, but there aren’t usually “rules” to the game. They can learn social skills by playing with adults or with older children, but it’s great if they can have peer interaction at this age. It does not have to be in a large group pre-school. One-on-one or a few children at a time is fine. It may be tempting to enroll in classes as your primary place to connect with other kids, but if your main goal is social skills, it is easier for children to learn those in settings that allow lots of free play (a playground, playdates with other families, a play-based preschool, or a family size child care setting) than in a structured class (like a gymnastics or soccer class where the teacher is trying to keep them on task.)
Check out the “skills to practice at home” section below.
Four and Five Year Olds. At this age, they have moved into true cooperative play. They share toys, they share ideas, they create “rules” or agree on which role each one will play in a pretend game, and work together toward goals. They start learning more about cooperation, compromise, and fair turn-taking. Whereas at younger ages, it’s fine to have your child play with lots of different kids, this is an important age for children to have a few consistent buddies to play with repeatedly, to build friendship skills. If they are enrolled in a group setting, like preschool or extracurricular classes, look for children there that they most connect with, and try setting up playdates with that family to give them more opportunity to connect.
Skills to Practice at Home
You can boost their social skills by practicing in advance of playdates. Do lots of pretend play, puppet shows and role plays, and talk about the social and emotional experiences of characters in stories that you are reading.
When teaching about emotions, teach children to recognize how facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice all communicate emotion
Practice give-and-take conversations, where you take turns fairly, don’t interrupt each other, and ask the other person questions about what they said rather than always just telling them things. Role model social skills by how you interact with friends, family and people in the community.
If you tell a child, “you have to share that toy”, it’s easy for that to feel like “you have to give away that thing you like right now.” It can cause them to cling tighter. It works better to introduce the ideas of taking turns. Play side by side with your child, and occasionally say ‘you can have that toy for one more minute and then it’s my turn.’ If they try to take a toy from you, say ‘I’m playing with it now. You can have it in one minute. Here’s another toy you can play with now.’ Don’t expect 2 – 3 year olds to be good at taking turns! It’s a skill that needs to be learned and practiced, and they just have to reach a stage of development where they can empathize with another child’s feelings. But practicing at home gives them a chance to build trust in the idea that if they let you have your turn that you will give it back when it’s their turn.
If your child seems shy or withdrawn, learn tips to support a “slow-to-warm-up” child. Some simple ways to help them are: get together in smaller groups in quiet, not chaotic environments; arrive before the other child(ren) to get settled; sit on the ground and let your child sit on your lap till they feel ready to venture out. Don’t push.
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