Tag Archives: preschool

Social Story for Orientation

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“Social stories” describe a situation, explain what behaviors the learner will do in that setting, and help learners adjust to a new routine. Social stories* are a tool that is often used for neurodiverse folks, such as autistic people or people with developmental delays. However, I believe they can be helpful for all learners as they clearly explain what to expect and what’s expected of them.

I teach parent-child classes, and co-operative preschools, and I have created social stories for all my classes. I create a little book that reviews all the routines for the class, and covers the rules, all illustrated with pictures from my classrooms. I then make a video of the story as well. I send these to parents about a week before class starts, and encourage them to either read the story to their child, or watch the video together.

Here is a sample story, using random photos from the internet – you would, of course, use photos from your actual classroom, showing actual materials they would see.

I have found this to be an extremely helpful tool for getting a class off to a great start!

Kids come in the door already knowing a lot about the classroom rules and routines. They already know our transition songs. They are excited to see things that they saw in the book or video, and they recognize my voice and already feel more comfortable with me than they would if they were meeting me for the first time. The parents who read the book or watched the video with their child also have a much better knowledge of classroom routines than they ever had in the past when I just sent them parent orientation handouts. (I do still provide additional info that’s aimed at the parent, but it is reinforced and contextualized by the social story.)

How to create a social story orientation:

I do it in PowerPoint. I write out a simple story, then find pictures to illustrate it. If you have pictures of children in the classroom doing activities, that is fabulous as it’s more engaging. But if not, you can just walk around an empty classroom that’s set up for school, and take all the pictures you need. In PowerPoint, you can then record narrations, and save it as a video that you can upload to YouTube or upload to OneDrive or Google Drive to share with your students. If you prefer, you could write the story in anything (Word, Canva, etc.) and print out a copy, and then make a video of yourself reading it aloud to post.

It only takes an hour or two to make, and you can make it “evergreen” so you can use it every year, and it will just help everything go more smoothly for you!

* There are criteria for what makes a true social story, and I don’t follow all those in my example here, which is inspired by the idea of social stories but adapted to my needs.

132nd Square Park – Kirkland

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We tried out a new-to-us park recently – 132nd Square Park is located at NE 132nd St and 132nd Ave NE in Kirkland, about a mile east of Evergreen Hospital.

They have a multi-purpose synthetic turf playfield for soccer and more, a smaller grass field for softball or baseball, an all-abilities playground with zipline, year-round restrooms, and three picnic shelters. They also have a walking labyrinth and a reflexology path with raised stones to massage your feet while you do a walking meditation.

The big yellow hill is a fun and unique thing – bring a big flattened cardboard box to sit on and you can slide down that hill. On the playground there is also a communication board with symbols that a nonverbal person could use to communicate – it’s a nice opportunity to acquaint you and your child with this adaptive tool.

Find more local parks and other activities in the Seattle area. For non-locals, you may also appreciate these ideas for fun toddler activities you can find anywhere.

Kids’ Books about Gender

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Some parents and pundits question whether we should be talking with young children about gender, and the reality is that we always have been! When I was a young child in the 60’s, pretty much every book I was exposed to taught a particular set of gender roles. I learned what girls were supposed to look like and act like and what activities they were supposed to enjoy. Then as a culture we began to talk a lot more about feminism and equal rights for women, and there started being more children’s stories about “girls can do anything” – they can wear clothes that are easy to move in, they can have any job. Over time, people came to realize that as we’d given our girls permission to wear anything and be anything, our boys were still trapped in “boys can’t cry” and only sissies are dancers” and “why would a man want to be a nurse.” So, again, we began to tell more diverse stories. And now, with increased awareness that at least 1% of people are transgender, children’s stories about gender identity are starting to become available. All of these stories can be “mirrors and windows” for our kids – mirrors when they see characters like them that help them to feel seen, and windows that help them better understand other people’s experiences.

I’ll share some book recommendations here – most are aimed at kid 3 – 5, unless otherwise noted.

Gender Roles

Gender roles refers to the activities that people do, as hobbies, responsibilities, or careers. Here are just a few that look at stepping outside of traditional gender roles, but there are probably hundreds of books on this topic.

Except When They Don’t by Laura Gehl. Talks about gender role assumptions and the fact that they don’t always apply.

Made by Raffi is about a boy who likes to knit even though others say that’s a girl activity (role).

Not All Princesses Dress in Pink (video) Shows girls doing many things we think of as “boy things.”

Paper Bag Princess. (video) For ages 5+. About a princess who saves the prince.

Princesses can be Pirates Too (Video) About a little girl who loves to wear pretty princess dresses AND wants to be a bold brave pirate.

Clive and His Babies (video) Shows a boy playing enthusiastically with his baby dolls. (Age 2 – 4) There’s also Clive and His Hats and Clive and His Art.

Rosa Loves Cars Video. (age 2 – 4). There’s also Rosa Plays Ball and Rosa Loves Dinos.

William’s Doll (video) For 5+. About a boy who wants a doll. Others tease him or try to change his mind, but Grandma listens.

Izzy Gizmo is just one example of lots of great STEM books about girls who like to invent.

Gender Expression

Gender expression is about how we dress, how we style our hair and makeup, and how we move (e.g. boldly striding along, or hunching shoulders and being small).

For example, Sparkle Boy and Jacob’s New Dress and Morris Micklewhite and the Tangerine Dress (video) are all about boys who like to wear dresses (expression) but appear to still identify as boys.

Julian is a Mermaid (video) tells the story of a boy who sees people dressed up as mermaids in a parade and tells his grandmother he is a mermaid too – she helps him to dress up.

Gender Identity

This refers to how a person sees themselves. Do they say that they are a girl or boy, and how do they feel when other people label them as one or the other.

If I had to choose just one, I’d choose Who Are You? The Kid’s Guide to Gender Identity by Pessin-Whedbee. Age 4 – 8.

Introducing Teddy by Walton. (video) Teddy explains to a friend that in her heart she has always known she was a girl and wishes her name was Tilly.

10,000 Dresses (video) is about Bailey, who wants to wear dresses and identifies as a girl, although others label Bailey as a boy. 

In Phoenix Goes to School (Video), we meet a girl and learn about her, then she talks about going to school and worrying that the kids will think she’s a boy. She ends up having a positive and welcoming experience at school.

When Aidan Became a Brother (video) When Aidan was little, people thought he was a girl, but then realized he was a boy. This story is primarily about his family welcoming a new baby.

There are also some books that are metaphorical – they can be read as being about gender identity, but your child may not make the cognitive leap to understand that metaphor. For example, in Red: A Crayon’s Story, a blue crayon mistakenly labeled as “red” suffers an identity crisis and in Bunnybear, Bunnybear identifies as a bunny, and Grizzlybun identifies as a bear. If you’re just looking for books to encourage a general sense of acceptance of diversity and self-identification in your child, these are a great match. But if you want to specifically address gender identity, you will need to help your child see that message: “Remember that book we read, Neither? It was about a creature that was both a bunny and a chick, but not quite a bunny or a chick? That’s sort of like our friend Rex, who told us they are both a boy and a girl, and not quite a boy or a girl? They said that’s called non-binary. And remember how Neither felt sad when nobody accepted them, but felt happy in the Land of All where they were accepted? Can we be a Land of All for our friend Rex?”

Here are recommendations for more options:

And here’s my posts on Talking with Kids about Gender Identity and Are your Programs Gender Inclusive.

Top Ten Takeaways

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I was just writing an end of year email to a parenting class, and wrote down my top ten takeaways from our whole year of learning together. They are also a fair summary of the information you’ll find on this blog:

  1. Every child is a unique individual and needs a unique parenting approach. What’s right for someone else may not be right for your situation. Trust your instincts and reach out for support when needed from people who understand kids like yours.
  2. Children behave better when they know what to expect and what’s expected of them. If a child is not behaving well, ask yourself: What support do they need, what systems would make it easier for them to be successful, what skills do they still need to learn?
  3. All feelings are OK, but not all behaviors are OK. Validate your child’s emotions and offer support, while still setting appropriate limits. Teach appropriate ways to express big feelings, and model self-calming skills.
  4. With food: parents decide when and where it’s offered and what is offered. Children decide whether to eat and how much to eat. With all choices: Parents decide what options are on the table, children choose amongst those appropriate options.
  5. Kids need time to run, to be loud, to be silly, to explore their world. Make sure there are a lot of “yes” times and places in their day. Taking small and manageable risks builds skills and independence, even if it means an occasional bump or bruise.
  6. We learn from mistakes. Embrace them! Teach your child the Power of Yet: “you can’t do it yet, but someday, if you keep trying, you’ll be so good at it!”
  7. Children learn best when they feel safe and happy, so play-based learning is powerful. Brains develop through novelty – being exposed to new experiences – and repetition – having the chance to do something again and again till they master it. Explore art, the outdoors, large motor play, building things, doing crafts, and more.
  8. Music and stories build language skills, vocabulary, memory, emotional intelligence, and knowledge of diverse life experiences. And they bring joy!
  9. There is no one right way to parent. If you, your child, and other family members are happy, healthy, and succeeding at your goals, then all is well. If you’re unhappy or not feeling successful, seek out new ideas and seek out support. (Parenting classes, counseling, support groups or just connecting with other parents!)
  10. You will have good days and bad days as a parent. When you have a bad day and are not the parent you want to be, acknowledge that, forgive yourself and commit to doing better in the future. When you are having more good days than bad, celebrate that! You’re doing a great job.

Here’s a PDF of those takeaways.

Top Ten TakeawaysDownload

Motivation

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Today I was listening to a webinar with Ming Fung from Agents of Speech. The topic was “Decoding the Real Signs of Speech Delays” and he was primarily talking about parent coaching for language delays.

But one of his messages gave me one of those a-ha moments you get when someone says something that should be obvious, but says it more clearly than you’ve thought of it before.

When you’re trying to teach your child any new skill and it’s just not working, you should ask yourself “is it that it’s too hard? Or that they don’t want to do it?”

If it’s too hard, that may mean you’re trying to move too far too fast, and simplifying things into next achievable step might be more successful. It is better to have small successes than fail at a big reach. Ross Greene says that often when we’re thinking “they don’t wanna do it”, it’s really that “they can’t do it… yet.” And that they need more skills, new resources, or more structural supports to be successful.

If they don’t want to do it, he says “make sure they’re fairly compensated.” If it’s just slightly hard or slightly annoying or whatever, it may need just a little motivation. If it’s a big stretch, it may need a big motivation. If your child has special interests, you could find a way to teach that skill within that interest. (When my youngest child was resisting learning to write and draw, we would ask him to write requests for treats, like “kiss” for a Hershey’s kiss or “Cheez-Its”, and he would draw if we would draw Star Wars characters that he could copy.) Or, if they have a big passion, you can use that as a motivator. (My oldest was very slow to potty train, and saying “here’s the dollhouse you want – it’s a big kid toy. As long as you can keep your underwear dry, you can play with it, but if you need to go back to pull-ups, that’s OK – we’ll put the dollhouse away for a little while till you’re ready to be a big kid.”) Don’t force the learning, but show them there is a value in learning this new skill.

Now, you don’t want to overdo rewards. There are downsides to rewards. But sometimes it is a way to move your child forward toward something you want them to learn.