Yesterday, my whole day, I was in a mood. The “I don’t want to do that” mood. And in response to everything! Not just work and housework, but for everything I thought of doing, my response was the same. Play ukulele, which I always enjoy? I don’t wanna. Have dinner in the park with friends on a lovely day? I don’t wanna. Go to the family camp that I LOVE next week? I don’t wanna.

This is SO not my usual approach to life.

So, where was it coming from? I think it’s worth exploring, because it gives me insight into my own self care (and perhaps may contain ideas for other busy working parents) but also, because sometimes our kids have a case of the “I don’t wanna’s”, and it’s exhausting – not just trying to force them to get their chores done, but also trying to talk them into doing things we know that they enjoy and having them refuse.

So, what sank me into a “winter of discontent” on a beautiful sunny day?

• Not enough sleep. Two nights before I’d had to stay up late to complete some work and get up early. That morning I’d awoken at 5:45 on a day I didn’t need to get up till 7, and no matter what I tried, I couldn’t get back to sleep. So I think part of it was just being tired.
• Too many demands. I just have a lot going on this summer, and every time I finish one project instead of getting a break, I have to jump straight into the next one, and I know yet another project is waiting in the wings needing my urgent attention. I want to be clear that I like doing all these things… they’re all projects I would enjoy… it’s just the non-stop nature of them at the moment that is dragging me down.
• Not enough down time. Our brains, our bodies, and our souls need a break from time to time. A time to putter around the house, or lay in the hammock, or walk to the park, and rest our thoughts. I think especially in the summer, as it feels like everyone else is taking time off, it’s even more of a drag to feel like you don’t get any breaks.

So, I need to: prioritize sleep till my body catches back up, take on fewer commitments or maybe find ways to “lower my standards” on the projects to get them to the “good enough” point instead of the perfect point, and give myself permission to take some down time when I can.

What does this tell us about when our child is having a case of the “I don’t wanna’s”? It’s likely a good time to reflect on:

• Are they getting enough rest? (Learn more about the sleep needs of young children and bedtime routines)
• Are there too many demands on them? When I say demands, you might just think of chores, or when you ask them to do things they don’t want to do. But honestly, even fun things can place demands on their energy… going to a movie or a restaurant they love requires them to be on their best behavior – controlling your impulses as a young child is hard work. (For kids who really struggle with impulse control, it’s especially challenging.) Playing with friends is fun, but it’s also demanding as you have to keep negotiating social rules, waiting for your turn, being patient and forgiving when other kids aren’t at their best. (For a more introverted child, the social time can especially take a lot of energy.)
• Are they getting enough downtime when they’re just left to their own devices and allowed to just putter around and “waste time” doing whatever they want to do? Parents often feel pressured to enterain and educate their child at all times. That’s actually too much for your child’s brain to take! For brain development, we need three things: novelty (new ideas and experiences), repetition (the chance to do something again and again to deepen your understanding and mastery) and down time to process it all. So, when they’re “doing nothing”, what they’re really doing is growing their brain!